Beautiful People

I was fortunate enough to vacation at Squaw Valley last weekend and decided I would venture down to South Lake Tahoe and watch the celebrity golf tournament. I was only there for a couple of hours but did notice some things. Here are the items I jotted down in my phone as I walked the course:

• First off, I recently moved from Oregon so I am not used to wearing UO gear (I had a black polo with a very small "O" on it, nothing obnoxious) and having people yell "Go Ducks" at me. After not saying anything to the first two people I texted a friend and he told me the appropriate response is to yell it back. That seemed to work so feel free to yell at me if you see me.
• I am sick of Brett Favre so I don't think it was a coincidence that the first golfer I saw hit a driver was Aaron Rodgers. My only response is that the Packers must be confident he controls a football team as well as he pummels the golf ball. Absolutely crushed the ball the one time I saw him swing.
• Someone needs to make sure Gene Upshaw, Director of NFLPA, is not one of the NFL veterans that can't afford medical care. He looked so frail that I am beginning to think all of the talk about current players wanting to fire him is not allowing him to eat and sleep as well as he should.
• I have long felt that Packers fans were the most white trash fans in the NFL. Well, fortunately for the cheeseheads the Steelers faithful have taken that title. There were a couple of fans following Roethlisberger around like he was their best friend. The thing that made me doubt that was that one was wearing a jersey and waving a Terrible Towel. Another one of them had a sleeveless shirt and jorts. Need I say more.
• The bronze medal winning white trash fans are certainly followers of the Cowboys. Romo certainly had a fair number of them following him around. Something about grown men dressing like their five-year-old son at a golf course makes me cringe. And please don't ask, I did not see Romo fall into a pond (wish I would have) or Jessica Simpson (plenty of pretty people in the crowd anyway).
• You could notice a lot of the football players from a couple of fairways over because they walked like they had their shoes on the wrong foot. It really did not look all that comfortable and makes me glad my knees never had to take the stress.
• I saw one of my favorite baseball players growing up, Darryl Strawberry. He was my favorite player when he played for the Dodgers, which was not very long. Unfortunately for me he wore Dodger Blue when I visited the National Baseball Hall of Fame as a kid. So the memento I had to get while there was a Strawberry T-shirt that looked like a baseball card. Picture on the front and stats on the back. Seeing Strawberry in person only made me want to revisit the Hall of Fame even more. There has to be a better souvenir.
• The guys standing next to me as we watched Trent Green tee off were funny guys. They had great commentary for everyone in the gallery and the celebrities. When Green came by one of them commented on Green's propensity for brutal concussions and wondered if Green knew what green he was on. That pun is not nearly as funny in written form a week after the fact but believe me it was worth a laugh at the time.
• Of course I saw Barkley's swing. It was so bad (far worse in person than on TV) I could only watch it once. I am a terrible golfer but if I had seen that even one more time I would have to quit the sport.
• This was not a traditional golf tournament so there were a number of people in the gallery that had no idea what was going on. One lady was standing right next to the 17th tee (par-3 along the lake that is always shown on TV) and would not shut up. She was so excited to see a friend who was a member of the media shooting still photographs. You would think this lady being most excited to see a photog at a celebrity golf tournament would be reason enough to call her the biggest moron of the day. Well, what she had to say as I was trying to avoid her at the 16th green takes the cake. She asked her husband who of the three in the group putting was Marcus Allen (the former NFL running back). That was a legitimate question since his playing partners were Neil Lomax (former QB) and Jeff Feagles (NFL punter). They are painfully white and let's just say Allen isn't. You have to love when women ask stupid sports questions in public. It is as bad as guys asking questions about dress styles at a bridal shower.
• Jim McMahon must have fit in very well at BYU in Provo, UT. When a guy that lived in Eugene for eight years is shocked by an outfit you have to wonder how he made any friends in college. There is something about an orange sherbet top and polka-dot pants that made me look twice.
• Nearly all of the actors in the field were dinky guys. I don't think it was because they were hanging out with athletes either. Greg Kinnear looked to be about the size of my mother-in-law. And for all you smarty pants out there that simply means Kinnear had to have been beaten up in school because he is tiny.
• No surprises here but one of the course volunteers told me John Elway was in one of two groups created for fan appeal. Elway is the greatest quarterback to every play football so the tournament director made a very wise decision.
• Michael Jordan and Ray Allen (part of the other group created for the fans) were wearing Jordan XI golf cleats. For the sneaker folks in the audience that certainly is a bit of news worthy of getting excited about.
• I ended up catching up with Barkley again at a point on the course where the back and front 9s met up. Luckily, I did not see him take a shot because he got sick of a sand trap about 120 yards from the green and decided to quit playing that hole just before I showed up.
• Former major leaguer David Wells did not look as bad as I thought he would. When he was getting paid to be an athlete he resembled a competitive eater so it made sense to me that he would have gained 100 pounds. He actually looked just the same and had the back of his shirt untucked. I guess it goes to show that if you are left-handed you really only need to be worried about that one appendage and you will have a pitching job for many years.
• In Wells' group was one of the greatest college coaches of all time, Lou Holtz. As a lifelong Notre Dame fan it was great seeing the last coach that took them to the promised land. To think that a man the size of Greg Kinnear coached football players is astonishing to me.
• Say what you want about me but the most impressive thing I saw was Jack Wagner. From 20 yards away the soap star is quite an attractive guy. The flowing blond hair and baby face were quite striking. Rarely would I compliment a man for being good looking so you have to figure Wagner had his pick of pretty Tahoe ladies.
• And that takes me to the one thing I learned by walking the course. Beautiful people follow celebrities no matter where they are. Lake Tahoe isn't exactly Siberia but it certainly is not Hollywood. There were a number of beautiful people strolling the course. So you know, the only beautiful male I noticed was Wagner so if you are a woman don't go thinking I am providing this information for your benefit.
• That is about all I saw. Watching famous people do something they are not necessarily good at is not the most exciting thing in the world. I suppose if you subscribe to People and US Weekly something like this would be reason to cry tears of joy. If being around famous people does not really get you too excited then do not go out of your way to go. I did go a bit out of my way and if it weren't for wanting to provide you with an informative blog entry I would have felt I wasted my time.
• You may be wondering how I knew it was time to go. That part was easy. When my boxers started to ride so much that I needed to leave the premises to take care of the discomfort I decided a trip to the parking lot was appropriate.

The Limb Does Not Break

I went out on a limb last week and predicted that Tiger Woods would win his 13th major at the 2007 PGA Championship. Nobody else thought he had a chance but I stuck my neck out there and it paid off. There is nothing sweeter in sports than picking the underdog and watching him prevail. Tiger had very few people rooting for him on the course yesterday but he was able to battle through it. I commend Tiger on his amazing performance and making me look like a genius with my daring prediction.

As for the other guys I picked to do well? I guess it depends on your definition of 'well'. Camilo Villegas finished in a tie for 23rd at +5 and Jeff Quinney was a mile from making the cut. As I define 'well' those guys did not perform up to the standard. It doesn't matter though as I feel great after seeing my darkhorse hold up the Wanamaker Trophy.

(Photo from Charlie Riedel/AP.)

2007 PGA Championship Preview

The tournament just started but a preview is still in order. I have had tremendous success previewing the last 2 majors so why not make it a trifecta.

Course Report: The PGA Championship is being held in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I haven't been to Tulsa but I have been to Oklahoma. Not exactly the type of place I would want to be playing golf in August. The course superintendent is probably setting some type of water usage record trying to keep things green. In the limited coverage I have been able to catch leading up to the tournament I see the golfers using water bottles like NFL players at training camp. With the weather being so hot I have a hunch a player that is in peak physical shape will take the trophy. So who could that be?

1. Tiger Woods - He demolished the competition last week winning by 8 strokes. For perspective realize that most NBA games not refereed by Tim Donaghy are decided by a smaller margin. Also, Woods is in tremendous shape. While some of the other guys are literally melting down on the weekend he will be grinding out another win.

2. Camilo Villegas - I am going to stick with the 'guys that are in shape' theme. Anyone who lies on his stomach to read the greens must be in decent shape. However, this tradition of laying out spread eagle on every green may equalize his conditioning in the warm conditions. He is from Colombia so perhaps he is used to such warmth.

3. Jeff Quinney - His near man-boobs may suggest he is not the most athletic golfer but don't assume that. I have heard from his former high school classmates that he was quite the baller. There is also word that his brother was a phenomenal tennis player in his day. With all of that taken into consideration watch for Quinney to be near the top of the leaderboard.

I can assure you that will be the final leaderboard. It would probably be wise to watch the event over the weekend just in case someone sneaks into contention.

(Photo of Southern Hills Country Club from pga.com.)

2007 British Open

For the second consecutive golf major my predictions were wrong, shocking I know. This time they ended up being terrible. The final leaderboard is here. My go to pick, Tiger Woods finished 12th. This isn't that bad of a finish but it does nothing to improve my standing as a golf expert. My other picks in the Top 3 only played the course twice. Colin Montgomerie and Spencer Levin missed the cut, in fact, neither of them were all that close to doing anything at any point. Padraig Harrington ended up winning the event. I did not see a single hole of weekend play so my analysis would be as worthless as my prediction. From what I can gather, Sergio Garcia had the tournament in the bag before play started today. If only this was a Champions Tour event and lasted 3 days instead of 4.

(Photo from Getty Images.)

British Open Preview

Well, it's that time again. A golf major is starting so a sterling preview is in order. Due to it being the summer I have not had the chance to analyze this tournament very closely. I'm not even 100% sure which country this year's British Open is being played but I am thinking it's Scotland. My breakdown of the course is quite simple. It looks like all of the other Open courses. Longer grass in between the holes. By 'in between' I mean where I hit all of my shots (miles from the fairway) but where professionals rarely are seen. Everything else is pretty short, dead-looking grass. Now that I have the course broken down in a scientific manner it's time for my top 3.

1. Tiger Woods - I would be a complete idiot if I chose anybody else. He is the best golfer in the world and is looking to pull of a rare three-peat so betting against him would be a mistake. Only big-time golf experts study golf enough to pick someone besides Tiger. Look for Tiger to lift the Claret Jug on Sunday.

2. Colin Montgomerie - He has perfected being the bridesmaid at major tournaments and he is coming off of a win on the other side of the pond. I also read on ESPN's golf blog (subscription required) that he holds the course record at the site of this week's tournament. All of this leads me to believe a runner-up finish is in the cards for Monty.

3. Spencer Levin - This is my upset of the week but Levin is due for a breakout performance. He broke on to the scene with a 13th place finish as an amateur in the 2004 U.S. Open at Shinnecock Hills. Levin has fiddled around on some of the minor tours since but has been doing a fine job on the Canadian Tour this year and qualified for the British Open. Also, Levin graduated a couple of years behind me and while playing baseball he gave me great advice on how to play shots from 50-100 yards out. I still suck at those shots but it has nothing to do with his advice.

There's the prediction for this weekend. Let's check back on Sunday evening to see how things turned out.

Tiger Failed Me

Man am I glad there are only 4 major tournaments in golf every year. If I tried to predict the order more times than that it would be too embarassing. My picks for the U.S. Open were extraordinary. Once again, I picked with my heart and got burned. I suppose that is why I am awful at fantasy sports. I just dislike too many of the good players. If you ever need an extra guy for fantasy and are worried you may finish last send me an invite to your league.

Let's see, I had Tiger Woods winning. He did not win, instead he finished in a tie for 2nd, one shot back at +6. I watched nearly all of Tiger's 36 holes this weekend and he was unbelievable. On Saturday he was awesome from tee to green then looked like my brother-in-law on the greens. Then today Tiger's approach shots closely resembled mine, but his par-saving putts were right in the heart of the cup. Had Tiger putted his birdie putts yesterday like he did today's par putts he would have shot a crazy low number on Saturday.

Much the same could be said for my 2nd place prediction, Jeff Quinney. Only one problem, he wasn't in the tournament! Needless to say I did just as well on Friday at the local municipal as Quinney did at the U.S. Open this week. Then my 3rd place finisher was the Masters winner Zach Johnson. One of the keys in picking him was that he wins in Georgia. I thought that would translate well to Pennsylvania (both end in 'ia') but that was wrong. Johnson finished tied for 46th at +20.

In the end I must congratulate Angel Cabrera. He had a bit of a meltdown yesterday and then played a great round today. On the super long, par-5 12th hole he had a 397-yard drive. Tiger went nearly as far if not farther later in the day on the same hole but I did not see him smoking cigarettes on the course or sporting a spare tire like Cabrera. He is the first Argentine to win a major golf tournament so that must be good for him, particularly if he is not married. Because if Manu Jablowme is a national hero this guy must be too.

My last thought on the U.S. Open is that Tiger Woods really let me down. When I saw him on the 1st tee today I was inspired by his physique. The guy looked like a linebacker so I thought I should too. At that moment I decided I was going to do 50 crunchies on an exercise ball everytime he had a birdie. Well, I am not any closer to that 6-pack after Woods dinked and doinked around the course and finished with 1 birdie. Sitting on the couch for 4 hours and only doing 50 crunchies wasn't the phsically demanding chore I had hoped for.

(Photo of Angel Cabrera from Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images.)

U.S. Open Preview

The U.S. Open starts tomorrow so I figure a preview/prediction is appropriate. Now I admit to following golf more than the average person and enjoy watching it on TV more than 98% of people. The 2% who enjoy it more than I are the other 2% that enjoy watching it. I really can't explain what I like about watching golf on TV but it sure beats the hell out of any drama or sitcom my wife tries to put me through on any given night. I digress. Now I have established my love for watching golf but I am not an absolute die-hard fan which makes my Open preview/prediction fairly short.

First, it is being played at Oakmont Country Club in Pennsylvania. Second, the course is crazy long with a 280+ yard par 3 and a par 5 that is over 650 yards I do believe. That is the extent of my preview, now onto the prediction.

My trifecta is Tiger Woods winning, Jeff Quinney second and Zach Johnson third. I pick Tiger because as I said I am not a die-hard fan so to pick anyone else to win would be stupid. Plus, I like watching Tiger play. I pick Quinney second because he is from Eugene and has been playing very well this year especially in the big tournaments he has played. I must admit I do not know if he is in the field this week but I am assuming he is. And I pick Johnson third because he wins golf tournaments played in Georgia and he is from Iowa.

As an aside, I played some golf today and my brain started going a little overboard. A medical doctor was part of the group I was playing with and we agreed that golf takes up so much time. That is when I started thinking really hard. I did not verbalize any of this so now is the time. Here it goes.

Since golf is expensive, really successful people (e.g., doctors) have the means to participate on a consistent basis. The ironic thing about that is it costs a doctor quite of bit of money to take the time to golf. If a doctor plays golf for 5 hours he (I realize this lacks gender neutrality, deal with it) is not able to see patients for at least that long. I am just making up numbers here but let's say the doctor does x-rays and all that crap with patients so each patient is worth $300. The doctor sees 5 patients an hour. Therefore, by playing golf for 5 hours and being out of the practice for 7 hours the doctor has foregone over $10,000 to play a round. Additionally, the doctor pays the money to play golf. On the other hand, I go out and play golf and it takes me the same 7 hours but since I only have one advanced degree it only costs me like $100 worth of work time to play. In the end, the folks that can afford to play big-time golf give up a ton of money each time they are out on the course. Perhaps, most of you don't need 24+ years to realize that but it came to me today and I found it interesting.

(U.S. Open logo from usopen.com)

Faux Injuries

It has been a little over a week since Michelle Wie pulled out of a tournament due to a wrist injury. It has also been about the same amount of time since Roger Clemens had groin issues and needed to postpone his first start until today. There is more than a 30-year difference in age between the two. Clemens has a Hall of Fame career and Wie has yet to do anything except steal money from her sponsors. The timing of these injuries is what connects these vastly different athletes.

Those that follow sports fairly closely have been made aware of the Wie debacle. She apparently fell while trying to be an athlete (jogging) and harmed her wrist. She took some time off and then came back and was downright awful. In fact she was in serious danger of being barred from the LPGA for the rest of the year for shooting a very high score. A couple of holes from the finish she decided to withdraw/quit due to serious pain that would not allow her to finish the round. Wie made it very clear that the potential ban from the LPGA had nothing to do with her decision to quit. Oddly enough, two days later she was at the course of this week's major tournament practicing. As a result, many people, including Annika Sorenstam, questioned whether or not Wie just flat out quit. I am not a rocket scientist but common sense tells me Wie quit. There may have been an injury but the fact that she sucks at golf right now was the key determinant in her decision. As a sidenote, I do realize how pathetic I am for knowing the details of this story. This may be the first step in admitting I have a sports problem.

Now there is MLB's version of Brett Favre. In case you have not heard Roger Clemens has returned to the New York Yankees. Those that watch ESPN have had to watch his every ball scratch for the last few weeks in the minor leagues. Clemens is coming back to save the Yankees from themselves and allow the earth to properly rotate on its axis. Initially it was decided he was going to come back last week and pitch against the Chicago White Sox. It was determined last weekend that Clemens would not be able to make his start against the White Sox and instead would debut against the Pittsburgh Pirates. When I saw this crawl along the bottom of the screen I instantly thought it was bogus. ESPN tried to convince me he was injured by showing a first inning pitch from his last minor league start that suggested a tweaked groin. Any independent thinker would conclude ESPN was just covering for Clemens because he ended up pitching 6 scoreless innings on the night. Maybe it's just me but if I'm heading to the Hall of Fame I am not risking tearing my groin in half by pitching six innings in a minor league game. Everyone seemed to accept the story and waited breathless for today's grand appearance against the Pirates. Are you kidding me, Steinbrenner's paying Clemens a king's ransom to pitch against the Pirates? I don't care how old you are or if you're heading to the Hall of Fame. I am going to question the legitimacy of a groin injury that was pitched on for 6 minor league innings if you delay your debut appearance to face the Pirates.

Wie and Clemens have come down with interesting injuries. One has rightfully been hammered by her peers and the media. The other has escaped scrutiny because everyone wants a reason to talk up the resurgent Yankees. When all is said and done the evidence shows that both athletes are scared of the truth. For Wie it is that she seems destined to go down as a bust, which is unfortunate since she is still a teenager. For Clemens he is destined to show his age unless he is able to convince the Yankees and the media that he should only pitch in interleague games against weak NL lineups.

(Photo with Clemens elements from Peter Foley/EPA and photo with Wie elements from Donald Miralle/Getty Images.)