There are a lot of really smart people out there trying to figure out just what has caused the mess America is in. I have heard a lot of explanations: rich people, poor people, Republicans, Democrats, white people, non-white people, gay people, straight people, banker people, home buyer people and on and on and on. Oh, and how could I forget the most mentioned reason, George W. Bush. I am not here to blame anyone but I do want to add a group to the list: crappy parents. Just today I came across two parents that clearly are contributing to the demise of humanity.
The first parent is an overzealous sports parent. A friend that I work with has taken on the unenviable task of coaching a freshman high school baseball team. He called me today to ask that I review an e-mail he was sending back to a parent that was complaining. For those people that live in Oregon that probably sounds impossible but trust that baseball season in California is already under way, but barely. My friend just coached the season's first game yesterday and already has a parent on his case.
The problem was that his son was playing in the outfield, made an error and another parent commented on the kid's blunder. Instead of telling the other dad to, "shut up," the two proceed to have a loud discussion behind the team dugout about how stupid the coach is. You see, the kid that made the error has played an infield position his entire life, not in the outfield. My friend doesn't think the kid has what it takes to play middle infield at this time but wants his bat in the lineup. Take it from me, it is to one's advantage to swing a good bat and be a suspect fielder. I was the exact opposite and my career peaked in 8th or 9th grade.
I will give my friend credit, his first draft at a response was very diplomatic, something I am terrible at when dealing with people of low intelligence. I did make some slight changes but was left wondering what in the world the dad was thinking? His son starts his first high school game because the coach wants his bat in the lineup and he's bent out of shape because an error was made. You have to figure that is probably going to be the only error made by the entire freshman team all season. It stinks that my friend has to deal with this parent all season but the person I really feel sorry for is the kid.
Not to be upstaged by the worst sports dad of 2009, I came across the laziest mom of the decade on my run today. Just when I think I have heard or seen the worst parenting in my life someone trumps it. There was a girl, maybe eight or nine, on her bicycle being followed by a small SUV around the neighborhood. From a distance I was confused/worried but as I got closer I realized I was witnessing very lazy parenting. Mom was in the car following the daughter around the neighborhood, barking orders at her if she was veering too far away from the far right-hand side of the road and using her phone to write e-mails. I know this because I was running very slow today (trying to avoid an injury from getting worse), was on the other side of the road for a good half mile and the mom was yelling out the driver side window even though her daughter was on the opposite side.
To top it off, it was clear from what can be seen from the driver side that mom should have asked Santa for a gym membership, running shoes or both. Maybe I'm being too mean but it seemed pathetic to me. I could never imagine having my daughter ask me to go on a bike ride and me responding by getting the car keys and hopping in the car.
I realize I have only been a parent for 11.5 months and that there is not one correct way to parent but these parents are terrible. Perhaps there are a lot of people out there that see nothing wrong with these two incidents. If that is the case it further proves my point that a primary reason for things falling apart is that too many parents are dropping the ball. Instead of blaming everyone else for our problems we might want to look at the branch hanging above us on the family tree and make sure our kids won't have to do the same thing. (I am speaking in general terms here, my parents allowed me to fail and weren't lazy.)
Showing posts with label odds and ends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label odds and ends. Show all posts
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Actual vs. Observed
Today is not Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday. It is the day we observe his birthday. Is it so hard to figure out? He was born on January 15th, the same day as my father. It is my assumption that since my dad celebrates his birthday on the 15th that MLK, Jr's birthday is the same every year. I completely understand why his birthday is observed today, just don't look foolish next year and assume that because you have the day off (you must work for the government) it is MLK's actual birthday.
I will give everyone a pass on it this year since David Gregory screwed this up. For those that don't know him he is now the moderator of Meet the Press. Only people that are complete nerds watch that when they are in their mid 20s, I get that. While the rest of you watched the Eagles storm back I watched a rerun of the show and heard Gregory mention that King would be 80 today. I was stupefied by his idiocy, but managed to watch the rest of the show. I am sure I screw things up on a daily basis too so I will let it go. But just this once, David.
I will give everyone a pass on it this year since David Gregory screwed this up. For those that don't know him he is now the moderator of Meet the Press. Only people that are complete nerds watch that when they are in their mid 20s, I get that. While the rest of you watched the Eagles storm back I watched a rerun of the show and heard Gregory mention that King would be 80 today. I was stupefied by his idiocy, but managed to watch the rest of the show. I am sure I screw things up on a daily basis too so I will let it go. But just this once, David.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Warning, I'm Back!
It has been far too long. I was caught up in the holiday rush and neglected this blog. The Internet has suffered as a result and I apologize. It seems as though my wife is tired of hearing me ramble on and on and on about topics that have my interest right now. Some of the topics are away from the world of sports. So hold on because I may touch on something in the next few weeks that is near and dear to your heart. If I do, do not take offense. Consider it a compliment that I am paying attention to something of interest to you. As of now the line up for talking points will include (in no particular order): policemen, Duck men's basketball, teachers' unions, Notre Dame football, the changing of the guard in D.C., state governments, the juggernaut that is Duck football and whatever else strikes a nerve with me. I have been known to hold punches but that will stop so expect some gems. If a certain team starts their conference season 0-8 in the Bay Area next weekend, you will know exactly what I am talking about. On a lighter note, I hope 2009 is starting strong for you. If not, keep this blog in mind for when you need light reading.
Friday, November 7, 2008
A Small Political Rant
(Warning: I am not a politician so when I talk politics it is real, not contrived. Therefore, I bounce from topic to topic and have a hard time making my points flow.)
I usually try not to talk too much politics on here. Though it is mentioned in the subtitle I figure it is best I leave that stuff alone. (Update: It is not in the subtitle. Oh well, you can still read this if you want.) Not too many people agree with my beliefs and certainly not very many people in my demographic. People enjoy reading what someone has to say about sports if they do not agree. It just fires them up to respond or wallow in the truth that was just read. When it comes to politics people take it far too seriously. The bottom line with thinking related to politics is that most people think their beliefs are the only ones. If someone else believes differently then they are terrible people. Don't believe me? Just be me in a journalism graduate school class during the '04 election and you will know what I am talking about.
Today the weird worlds of sports and politics intersected for me. As is my usual Friday tradition I wore a black polo shirt with a small, white Oregon 'O' on the left front breast. (I realize front breast is a bit redundant.) It very closely resembles the shirt that is to be worn at work so I have made the executive decision that I can wear it on Fridays. Before I made it to work I needed to stop at Kinko's to send out an item for express delivery. As I returned to my car a redneck came barreling through the parking lot. He glanced at my shirt and proceeded to 'M-F' me (sorry for not writing what he actually said, use your brain to figure it out) for wearing an Obama shirt. By the time I realized he was talking to me he had already passed. Trust me when I say that this guy was a redneck. He was driving a pickup, had a hat on with a bill that was curved to a near semi-circle, sported what looked like a Carhartt style jacket and well, said what he said.
The funny part about the incident is that if he had actually known what the 'O' on my shirt meant then he would have probably assumed I was an Obama backer anyway. Unfortunately, that is not the case. For fiscal reasons alone I am not prone to vote for a Democrat. And if the last few years are any indication, not a Republican either. Since I am so poor at this moment Obama's tax plan does not really tweak me. Rest assured, I am not out for handouts like a fair number of people. By the next election I hope to be close to needing a Republican in office for income tax reasons. I'll keep you posted on how that goes!
Now that I have tip-toed around the fact that I did not vote for Obama because I'm not that fired up about him I will try to win your hearts back. I abstained from making a selection on the presidential portion of my ballot. Maybe I am chicken but I could not bring myself to vote for someone just because. (The presence of the electoral college also made my vote pointless since I live in California and it was not going to be for Obama.) By choosing a running mate that is not smarter than me McCain lost my vote. That is one of my simple criterion when looking to vote for president. Are the people on the ticket smarter than me? I am not the smartest person so that is not a high bar to set but given Palin's performances I had to conclude that I would destroy her in any version of Trivial Pursuit. For those that want to say that T-Pursuit does not establish if one is smart or not, get a clue. It is meant as a joke. But if you know me you know you would bet your house that I would win that match up! Reading every word on the Internet allows for my brain to store an inordinate amount of pointless information.
The last little portion of the election that confuses me and forces me to question the intelligence of Americans is that local people did not get the boot like the national leaders. Though I am conservative (not registered with any party though) I found nothing wrong with Americans deciding it was time to give someone else a chance to drive the ship. But why doesn't that trickle down to the local offices as well? Here in my city things are just like they are elsewhere. Times are tough. But who wins the seats on city council? The incumbents. Give me a break. It is nice to put a new guy in the White House but what is he really going to do for the city. To be frank, nothing. The city council has a lot more to do with our day-to-day lives than does the POTUS.
Now that the American people have voted I hope Obama is up to the challenge. It takes tough skin to take the blame for everything that happens. You have to figure since Bush gets blamed for car wrecks, hang nails and attic fires that Obama will get blamed for weird things as well. As an American I am left to hope he can keep half the promises he made. We sure as hell know he made a lot of them. I am not going to stand in front of the Mormon temple and demand the results change because they are not as I would want them. Obama won fair and square so he is the one to take over and I can live with that.
In a terrible attempt to abruptly wrap this up I will return to my 'Oregon/Obama' shirt. After I chuckled at the idiocy of the redneck I got in my vehicle and proceeded out of the parking lot to the intersection. It just so happened that I was one lane over and one car ahead of the redneck at the red light. With my Oregon 'O' sticker on the back I can only assume he thought I was taunting him. His windows were rolled up by then so I was not able to hear the venom I assume he was spewing. How dare I wear an 'Obama' shirt and put an 'Obama' sticker on my vehicle!
I usually try not to talk too much politics on here. Though it is mentioned in the subtitle I figure it is best I leave that stuff alone. (Update: It is not in the subtitle. Oh well, you can still read this if you want.) Not too many people agree with my beliefs and certainly not very many people in my demographic. People enjoy reading what someone has to say about sports if they do not agree. It just fires them up to respond or wallow in the truth that was just read. When it comes to politics people take it far too seriously. The bottom line with thinking related to politics is that most people think their beliefs are the only ones. If someone else believes differently then they are terrible people. Don't believe me? Just be me in a journalism graduate school class during the '04 election and you will know what I am talking about.
Today the weird worlds of sports and politics intersected for me. As is my usual Friday tradition I wore a black polo shirt with a small, white Oregon 'O' on the left front breast. (I realize front breast is a bit redundant.) It very closely resembles the shirt that is to be worn at work so I have made the executive decision that I can wear it on Fridays. Before I made it to work I needed to stop at Kinko's to send out an item for express delivery. As I returned to my car a redneck came barreling through the parking lot. He glanced at my shirt and proceeded to 'M-F' me (sorry for not writing what he actually said, use your brain to figure it out) for wearing an Obama shirt. By the time I realized he was talking to me he had already passed. Trust me when I say that this guy was a redneck. He was driving a pickup, had a hat on with a bill that was curved to a near semi-circle, sported what looked like a Carhartt style jacket and well, said what he said.
The funny part about the incident is that if he had actually known what the 'O' on my shirt meant then he would have probably assumed I was an Obama backer anyway. Unfortunately, that is not the case. For fiscal reasons alone I am not prone to vote for a Democrat. And if the last few years are any indication, not a Republican either. Since I am so poor at this moment Obama's tax plan does not really tweak me. Rest assured, I am not out for handouts like a fair number of people. By the next election I hope to be close to needing a Republican in office for income tax reasons. I'll keep you posted on how that goes!
Now that I have tip-toed around the fact that I did not vote for Obama because I'm not that fired up about him I will try to win your hearts back. I abstained from making a selection on the presidential portion of my ballot. Maybe I am chicken but I could not bring myself to vote for someone just because. (The presence of the electoral college also made my vote pointless since I live in California and it was not going to be for Obama.) By choosing a running mate that is not smarter than me McCain lost my vote. That is one of my simple criterion when looking to vote for president. Are the people on the ticket smarter than me? I am not the smartest person so that is not a high bar to set but given Palin's performances I had to conclude that I would destroy her in any version of Trivial Pursuit. For those that want to say that T-Pursuit does not establish if one is smart or not, get a clue. It is meant as a joke. But if you know me you know you would bet your house that I would win that match up! Reading every word on the Internet allows for my brain to store an inordinate amount of pointless information.
The last little portion of the election that confuses me and forces me to question the intelligence of Americans is that local people did not get the boot like the national leaders. Though I am conservative (not registered with any party though) I found nothing wrong with Americans deciding it was time to give someone else a chance to drive the ship. But why doesn't that trickle down to the local offices as well? Here in my city things are just like they are elsewhere. Times are tough. But who wins the seats on city council? The incumbents. Give me a break. It is nice to put a new guy in the White House but what is he really going to do for the city. To be frank, nothing. The city council has a lot more to do with our day-to-day lives than does the POTUS.
Now that the American people have voted I hope Obama is up to the challenge. It takes tough skin to take the blame for everything that happens. You have to figure since Bush gets blamed for car wrecks, hang nails and attic fires that Obama will get blamed for weird things as well. As an American I am left to hope he can keep half the promises he made. We sure as hell know he made a lot of them. I am not going to stand in front of the Mormon temple and demand the results change because they are not as I would want them. Obama won fair and square so he is the one to take over and I can live with that.
In a terrible attempt to abruptly wrap this up I will return to my 'Oregon/Obama' shirt. After I chuckled at the idiocy of the redneck I got in my vehicle and proceeded out of the parking lot to the intersection. It just so happened that I was one lane over and one car ahead of the redneck at the red light. With my Oregon 'O' sticker on the back I can only assume he thought I was taunting him. His windows were rolled up by then so I was not able to hear the venom I assume he was spewing. How dare I wear an 'Obama' shirt and put an 'Obama' sticker on my vehicle!
Friday, October 17, 2008
I Miss Eugene
I never thought I would say the above words. Eugene is a nice enough place but let's just say Eugene and I do not agree on much of anything. I think transients are a bad thing, Eugene advertises to the transient demographic that it is a wonderful place to stay. I like to have parks for kids to play in, Eugene likes to have parks for dogs. I tend to think drug use is not a redeeming quality, Eugene prefers that one uses drugs. I could go on and on but you get the picture.
Well, tonight I wish I was in Eugene. That is assuming there is a softball league in Eugene that plays this late into the year. The one thing I learned from Eugene is that sometimes things aren't worth caring about. For me that is city league softball. It is fun to get out there but I will not dive, I will not slide and I do not really care if my team wins. There are far too important things to worry about in a typical week for me to get stressed out over softball. In our city league down here some people live for their city league game each week. They wear pinstriped baseball pants, cleats, fitted baseball hats, batting gloves, etc. Just for reference I wear tennis shoes, no hat, shorts and a long sleeve dri-fit.
Let's cut to the chase. In tonight's game I got completely ran over by a guy in pinstriped baseball pants as he was running the bases. My team has me playing third because the only reason I played varsity baseball was because I could field and throw. My hitting is not so strong. It probably reflects that I am not that strong to begin with but that is not important right now. Said moron in baseball pants at a city league softball game had no reason to run home so he stopped on third base. Knowing this is what he was going to do I did not move from standing on the foul line between third and home in the event of a throw. However, this guy decides that because I am in the base line he will take two or three steps, charge me, shove me and knock me flat on my back. For someone that is not a landscaper or road construction worker I thought the guy went a little too far to prove I was in the baseline. His teammates thought he was a hero and wondered why the umpire would not let him advance to home for my mistake of being in the baseline.
After getting up and realizing my tailbone is going to hurt like crazy tomorrow (why I am writing this now and not going to bed, just trying to delay the inevitable) I said a few things as I am prone to do. I made fun of the guy for caring way too much about city league softball and told the fat guy coaching third base to shutup and think about getting exercise. (Later in the game the fat third base coach guy sprained his ankle running the bases and I reassured him he would be okay since he is in such good shape.) I ashamedly admit to using a bad word at one point when yelling at their bench. It truly is out of character for me and looked even worse because I am playing on my church's softball team. At least it was a word I have seen in the Bible before. Jesus rode one of them on what we celebrate as Palm Sunday in case you cared. Hey, everyone has their faults and I am the first to admit it.
I tell this lengthy story because I know if I played a game in Eugene tonight no one would have cared enough about something so meaningless to make my tailbone's weekend miserable. It does make me feel good that the moron that ran me over has an arm at shortstop that is more suited for a co-ed division, if you know what I mean. If I threw like he did while wearing pinstriped baseball pants at a city league softball game I would probably try to act like a jerk too. It is far more acceptable to be remembered for being a classless punk than it is to throw a softball like my seven-month old daughter throws pacifiers. And you know I let him know I was impressed with his throwing arm, I just couldn't resist myself.
Well, tonight I wish I was in Eugene. That is assuming there is a softball league in Eugene that plays this late into the year. The one thing I learned from Eugene is that sometimes things aren't worth caring about. For me that is city league softball. It is fun to get out there but I will not dive, I will not slide and I do not really care if my team wins. There are far too important things to worry about in a typical week for me to get stressed out over softball. In our city league down here some people live for their city league game each week. They wear pinstriped baseball pants, cleats, fitted baseball hats, batting gloves, etc. Just for reference I wear tennis shoes, no hat, shorts and a long sleeve dri-fit.
Let's cut to the chase. In tonight's game I got completely ran over by a guy in pinstriped baseball pants as he was running the bases. My team has me playing third because the only reason I played varsity baseball was because I could field and throw. My hitting is not so strong. It probably reflects that I am not that strong to begin with but that is not important right now. Said moron in baseball pants at a city league softball game had no reason to run home so he stopped on third base. Knowing this is what he was going to do I did not move from standing on the foul line between third and home in the event of a throw. However, this guy decides that because I am in the base line he will take two or three steps, charge me, shove me and knock me flat on my back. For someone that is not a landscaper or road construction worker I thought the guy went a little too far to prove I was in the baseline. His teammates thought he was a hero and wondered why the umpire would not let him advance to home for my mistake of being in the baseline.
After getting up and realizing my tailbone is going to hurt like crazy tomorrow (why I am writing this now and not going to bed, just trying to delay the inevitable) I said a few things as I am prone to do. I made fun of the guy for caring way too much about city league softball and told the fat guy coaching third base to shutup and think about getting exercise. (Later in the game the fat third base coach guy sprained his ankle running the bases and I reassured him he would be okay since he is in such good shape.) I ashamedly admit to using a bad word at one point when yelling at their bench. It truly is out of character for me and looked even worse because I am playing on my church's softball team. At least it was a word I have seen in the Bible before. Jesus rode one of them on what we celebrate as Palm Sunday in case you cared. Hey, everyone has their faults and I am the first to admit it.
I tell this lengthy story because I know if I played a game in Eugene tonight no one would have cared enough about something so meaningless to make my tailbone's weekend miserable. It does make me feel good that the moron that ran me over has an arm at shortstop that is more suited for a co-ed division, if you know what I mean. If I threw like he did while wearing pinstriped baseball pants at a city league softball game I would probably try to act like a jerk too. It is far more acceptable to be remembered for being a classless punk than it is to throw a softball like my seven-month old daughter throws pacifiers. And you know I let him know I was impressed with his throwing arm, I just couldn't resist myself.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Hiatus Over
(Written a few days before being posted so some commentary is completely out of line.)
The blog has been quiet for far too long and I apologize for that. The past couple of weeks have been absolutely nuts. Needless to say the blog now calls Northern California home. The sunshine and blue sky has been amazing. In addition to a relocation, I was studying for a standard exam that will determine just how much more school debt I am going to accumulate. What's another few thousand, right? With that test over my schedule will allow for more spectacular commentary that the seven of you have come to expect. In the last couple of weeks there have been some important matters that have caught my eye:
1. Tiger Woods makes golf the coolest sport ever. Think about how amazing that is. If you don't know what I'm talking about then you have been outside of the country. Unfortunately I will not be watching any golf for the next many months because the one guy that makes golf cool is taking a break.
2. NBA fans are morons. You are to tell me it took a crooked ref trying to avoid jail time for you to realize David Stern picks winners of games before they are played? I have a sneaky hunch the Lakers will win Game 6 to force a Game 7. Heaven forbid Stern gets trumped by a golf tournament. I am most looking forward to watching the refs and not the players. That's what happens when the two teams playing make me want to puke.
3. Dodgers are pathetic. I am thankful I have been too busy with things to follow baseball. To think the Dodgers are closer to the Giants than first place is reason enough to buy out Torre's contract at the All-Star Break.
4. Olympic Trials will bring a tear to my eye. Here I lived in Eugene for 8 years and I move three weeks before the sporting event I was most looking forward to. My seats were in a prime location and I had to part ways with them. I will be watching them on TV like it's my job and encourage you to do the same. Track is great to watch, particularly in person.
I hope your summer's are off to great starts. There is sure to be a lot to comment on in the coming months so check back frequently for thoughtful words on truly important matters.
The blog has been quiet for far too long and I apologize for that. The past couple of weeks have been absolutely nuts. Needless to say the blog now calls Northern California home. The sunshine and blue sky has been amazing. In addition to a relocation, I was studying for a standard exam that will determine just how much more school debt I am going to accumulate. What's another few thousand, right? With that test over my schedule will allow for more spectacular commentary that the seven of you have come to expect. In the last couple of weeks there have been some important matters that have caught my eye:
1. Tiger Woods makes golf the coolest sport ever. Think about how amazing that is. If you don't know what I'm talking about then you have been outside of the country. Unfortunately I will not be watching any golf for the next many months because the one guy that makes golf cool is taking a break.
2. NBA fans are morons. You are to tell me it took a crooked ref trying to avoid jail time for you to realize David Stern picks winners of games before they are played? I have a sneaky hunch the Lakers will win Game 6 to force a Game 7. Heaven forbid Stern gets trumped by a golf tournament. I am most looking forward to watching the refs and not the players. That's what happens when the two teams playing make me want to puke.
3. Dodgers are pathetic. I am thankful I have been too busy with things to follow baseball. To think the Dodgers are closer to the Giants than first place is reason enough to buy out Torre's contract at the All-Star Break.
4. Olympic Trials will bring a tear to my eye. Here I lived in Eugene for 8 years and I move three weeks before the sporting event I was most looking forward to. My seats were in a prime location and I had to part ways with them. I will be watching them on TV like it's my job and encourage you to do the same. Track is great to watch, particularly in person.
I hope your summer's are off to great starts. There is sure to be a lot to comment on in the coming months so check back frequently for thoughtful words on truly important matters.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Fly-Over States
Back in my days as a college student I took a graduate class entitled Mass Media & Society. It was an election year and I tend not to align myself politically with the same people that journalists do so there was animated discourse in class, shall we say. As part of my introduction to the media hoity-toity (not sure if that's a real world but it fits) I learned what a fly-over state was. For those, like myself, that are not civilized it basically refers to the Midwest. Some lady in class introduced me to the term "fly-over states" when she was trying to figure out why some Americans were stupid enough to vote Republican. Meanwhile I was trying to figure out why a 40-something mother was in my graduate class as a student and not an instructor. Anyway, I was slightly caught off guard by her advanced intellectual thought since a large portion my family lives in Iowa.
Let's fast-forward to the present day. Due to a death in the family I recently spent a couple of days in Iowa. I really love the place even if esteemed Journalism Schools across the country disregard it. As an aside, the funniest part is that my entire family in Iowa is blue-blooded Democrat. For most of them "Bush" is the fiercest of the four-letter words. It should come as no surprise that I love my family and therefore Iowa but it is the other people in the Midwest that put a smile on my face.On the way from the church to the cemetery we were a part of about a 15-car processional that meandered through town for a couple of miles. The respect other people showed my grandmother was nothing short of astounding. To our family she was a woman worthy of a national holiday but she really was just a regular lady from Iowa, which makes the reaction our processional received all the more impressive. There were not many people outside but those that were will remain vividly in my memory forever.
One lady stopped mowing her lawn, took off her hat and solemnly watched us all pass. Now that was awesome! Then a little bit later a couple stopped eating lunch on their porch and appeared to pray as we passed by. Throughout the entire drive the policemen leading the processional through town would step out of their patrol cars and put their hats over their hearts at every intersection they blocked.
Maybe these events are run-of-the-mill wherever you go in America but the heart of a person from a fly-over state is different from the rest. No matter your religious or political affiliation, you have to appreciate the respect for life shown by people in a very small Midwestern town. I love you and miss you Grandma. Now do your part and help your beloved Cubbies win the World Series!
Let's fast-forward to the present day. Due to a death in the family I recently spent a couple of days in Iowa. I really love the place even if esteemed Journalism Schools across the country disregard it. As an aside, the funniest part is that my entire family in Iowa is blue-blooded Democrat. For most of them "Bush" is the fiercest of the four-letter words. It should come as no surprise that I love my family and therefore Iowa but it is the other people in the Midwest that put a smile on my face.On the way from the church to the cemetery we were a part of about a 15-car processional that meandered through town for a couple of miles. The respect other people showed my grandmother was nothing short of astounding. To our family she was a woman worthy of a national holiday but she really was just a regular lady from Iowa, which makes the reaction our processional received all the more impressive. There were not many people outside but those that were will remain vividly in my memory forever.
One lady stopped mowing her lawn, took off her hat and solemnly watched us all pass. Now that was awesome! Then a little bit later a couple stopped eating lunch on their porch and appeared to pray as we passed by. Throughout the entire drive the policemen leading the processional through town would step out of their patrol cars and put their hats over their hearts at every intersection they blocked.
Maybe these events are run-of-the-mill wherever you go in America but the heart of a person from a fly-over state is different from the rest. No matter your religious or political affiliation, you have to appreciate the respect for life shown by people in a very small Midwestern town. I love you and miss you Grandma. Now do your part and help your beloved Cubbies win the World Series!
Monday, May 5, 2008
Am I A Runner?
I enjoy the occasional run. I wear running shorts but they are the longest ones Nike makes. When I go on long runs I have a water bottle belt and energy gel. I also have a foam roller for silly runner guy stretches. Last but not least, I live in TrackTown USA. Given all of this I still was not sure if I truly was a runner. Well, I think I put that to rest early last week. What did I do you now ask?
I woke up early (for me) to go on a run in an effort to simulate starting a half marathon at the crack of dawn. Let's just say my body does not do so well in the mornings but I tried to combat that by using the bathroom just before I left. My run started pretty well until about the 2-mile mark. I planned an 8-miler so I was barely a quarter of the way through. It was at this point that my insides were telling me they wanted to be emptied. I figured I would have a chance to get to a porta-potty about 1/3 of a mile away. Unfortunately, even walking did nothing to minimize the discomfort.
I then decided to do what I see every unleashed (against the rules might I add) dog in Alton Baker Park do: veer off the path and find a suitable collection of trees to let loose. Lucky for me I found this spot about 150 feet off the path with the trees serving as a suitable barrier between the path and myself. The only problem would be if one of Eugene's many homeless people staggered out of the bushes opposite my barrier. It was a chance I was willing to take given the odds were pretty slim since panhandling hours seem to mirror those of rush hour traffic. (Did you know my research has shown panhandling to be the 4th most popular industry in Lane County behind education, RVs and medicine?)
The obvious question is: What would I use to finish the job? Since I did have another 6 miles to go and my route took me closer to civilization a plan was needed. It was at this point that I was thankful Eugene's weather is colder and rainier than most because I was wearing 3 layers on my upper torso. Also, I had an exact of one of the layers at home! Really, how great is that? I can relieve myself, toss the materials needed to fully relieve myself and not miss that dri-fit one bit.
I will spare the details of the actual relieving part but know that it felt great. It was invigorating to know that I had become a true runner. And all it cost me was a dri-fit (which I had two of) off my back. The location of my episode shall remain a mystery but know that if you see a Eugene transient that scoured through garbage near Autzen wearing a stylish dri-fit there is a legendary story behind it.
I will leave you with some advice. Should you be in the woods and have no toilet paper, dri-fit material is glorious. A wee bit more expensive than leaves, but glorious nonetheless.
I woke up early (for me) to go on a run in an effort to simulate starting a half marathon at the crack of dawn. Let's just say my body does not do so well in the mornings but I tried to combat that by using the bathroom just before I left. My run started pretty well until about the 2-mile mark. I planned an 8-miler so I was barely a quarter of the way through. It was at this point that my insides were telling me they wanted to be emptied. I figured I would have a chance to get to a porta-potty about 1/3 of a mile away. Unfortunately, even walking did nothing to minimize the discomfort.
I then decided to do what I see every unleashed (against the rules might I add) dog in Alton Baker Park do: veer off the path and find a suitable collection of trees to let loose. Lucky for me I found this spot about 150 feet off the path with the trees serving as a suitable barrier between the path and myself. The only problem would be if one of Eugene's many homeless people staggered out of the bushes opposite my barrier. It was a chance I was willing to take given the odds were pretty slim since panhandling hours seem to mirror those of rush hour traffic. (Did you know my research has shown panhandling to be the 4th most popular industry in Lane County behind education, RVs and medicine?)
The obvious question is: What would I use to finish the job? Since I did have another 6 miles to go and my route took me closer to civilization a plan was needed. It was at this point that I was thankful Eugene's weather is colder and rainier than most because I was wearing 3 layers on my upper torso. Also, I had an exact of one of the layers at home! Really, how great is that? I can relieve myself, toss the materials needed to fully relieve myself and not miss that dri-fit one bit.
I will spare the details of the actual relieving part but know that it felt great. It was invigorating to know that I had become a true runner. And all it cost me was a dri-fit (which I had two of) off my back. The location of my episode shall remain a mystery but know that if you see a Eugene transient that scoured through garbage near Autzen wearing a stylish dri-fit there is a legendary story behind it.
I will leave you with some advice. Should you be in the woods and have no toilet paper, dri-fit material is glorious. A wee bit more expensive than leaves, but glorious nonetheless.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
I'm Back
It has been a while since I posted but I have had a difficult time trying to figure out a schedule with a new addition to the family. I figured a good way to get back on the saddle would be to detail the trip to the grocery store that confirmed my status as a new dad.
My wife has not been outside the house much since the birth, mainly because the weather has sucked. It has been a few weeks since my mother-in-law was in town so the inventory of some "items" were running low. I was headed to the store so what's another item to pick up? My wife informs me of the style of the "item" and says it does not matter what brand it is. So I head off to work for the day and spend the day figuring out how I am going to get the "items" without embarrassing myself. As I leave work, I feel good about my plan and drive to the store.
I walk in the store like I am on a mission. I stop by the produce area and pick up some fruit. Then I venture to the bread aisle for some bagels and go back to the cheese area for some cream cheese. Things were going very smoothly and I was starting to feel good about buying the "items." Part of my plan was to walk at a brisk pace so no one thinks I am lost or confused. That all stopped when I tried to find the aisle containing the "items". I felt like Pac-Man towards the end of a level when all of the ghost-like things are closing in on him. I started in the women's make-up and haircare aisle. No luck. I then venture to the pharmacy and nearly sprint down the aisles. No luck. So as the ghost-like things are getting very close I kind of panic. I furiously scanned the signs above the aisles for something that would resemble "women's items". In an effort to get away from the front of the store and rethink my plan I storm down the diapers aisle so I can look lost at the back of the store.
Much to my surprise the "items" were in this aisle. Who is the genius that decides it should be labeled "Incontinence" on the aisle sign? I have never heard of the word and am frightened to look up what it means. As a service to all future husbands I believe this is a term that needs to be discussed in marriage counseling. Heaven forbid they call it "chick stuff" to help us out a little. Now that I have stumbled upon the "items" I have to find the requested style. Come to find out I have no problem finding the style but there are at least 34 brands and that is when I nearly aborted the mission.
I'll admit to being completely overwhelmed and the fact that I think I heard women at the end of the aisle gossiping about my presence in their aisle did not help matters. I then just grabbed a random brand in the requested style and jammed to the self-checkout line. There was no way I was going to have one of the chatty Kathy checkout ladies try to strike up a conversation with me. I needed to get out of there fast. The checkout process was uneventful and I proceeded home to plead with my wife to give me a specific brand next time. I am a nice enough guy to go out and buy these "items" again but I need to have the possible choices narrowed significantly from 300.
My wife has not been outside the house much since the birth, mainly because the weather has sucked. It has been a few weeks since my mother-in-law was in town so the inventory of some "items" were running low. I was headed to the store so what's another item to pick up? My wife informs me of the style of the "item" and says it does not matter what brand it is. So I head off to work for the day and spend the day figuring out how I am going to get the "items" without embarrassing myself. As I leave work, I feel good about my plan and drive to the store.
I walk in the store like I am on a mission. I stop by the produce area and pick up some fruit. Then I venture to the bread aisle for some bagels and go back to the cheese area for some cream cheese. Things were going very smoothly and I was starting to feel good about buying the "items." Part of my plan was to walk at a brisk pace so no one thinks I am lost or confused. That all stopped when I tried to find the aisle containing the "items". I felt like Pac-Man towards the end of a level when all of the ghost-like things are closing in on him. I started in the women's make-up and haircare aisle. No luck. I then venture to the pharmacy and nearly sprint down the aisles. No luck. So as the ghost-like things are getting very close I kind of panic. I furiously scanned the signs above the aisles for something that would resemble "women's items". In an effort to get away from the front of the store and rethink my plan I storm down the diapers aisle so I can look lost at the back of the store.
Much to my surprise the "items" were in this aisle. Who is the genius that decides it should be labeled "Incontinence" on the aisle sign? I have never heard of the word and am frightened to look up what it means. As a service to all future husbands I believe this is a term that needs to be discussed in marriage counseling. Heaven forbid they call it "chick stuff" to help us out a little. Now that I have stumbled upon the "items" I have to find the requested style. Come to find out I have no problem finding the style but there are at least 34 brands and that is when I nearly aborted the mission.
I'll admit to being completely overwhelmed and the fact that I think I heard women at the end of the aisle gossiping about my presence in their aisle did not help matters. I then just grabbed a random brand in the requested style and jammed to the self-checkout line. There was no way I was going to have one of the chatty Kathy checkout ladies try to strike up a conversation with me. I needed to get out of there fast. The checkout process was uneventful and I proceeded home to plead with my wife to give me a specific brand next time. I am a nice enough guy to go out and buy these "items" again but I need to have the possible choices narrowed significantly from 300.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Still Around
The blog has slowed down considerably as a result of a familial addition. I will have comments on the limited amount of the NCAA Tournament that I saw at some point. All I know is my bracket is as it usually is: lagging behind my wife's.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Stop Worrying About Gas
I only used the above title to get your attention. I do understand the importance of oil and its byproducts on the economy but for a moment quit worrying about it and move on to something else. That something else is food prices at movies. For those that regularly attend movies and attempt to purchase drinks or snacks this development is nothing new but for me it is. I would guess I go the movies about 5-7 times a year and never buy crap to eat or drink. For whatever reason I decided a snack and soda would be a good idea tonight. I think the fact that I was in possession of a gift card made me lose my inhibitions. I suppose it is a good thing bars do not have gift cards! After purchasing tickets the gift card had a value of $3.50. Now, I am not so clueless that I thought this would be enough to cover my splurging behavior but I didn't realize it would not even be enough for a tip.
On the big board that displayed the 'combos' there was no dollar figure associated with them. If there had been I would have never considered it. So my wife and I go with #1 because it comes with two drinks and a popcorn. The drinks were huge and the popcorn was offensive in size. I was truly embarrassed by how much crap (yes, crap is the proper term for the stuff I had: pink lemonade and popcorn) I was carrying around the theater. My hands were so full I had to ask the ticket taker to take my tickets out of my back pocket. He declined so I was forced to make it work but larger hands would have been nice. In fact, another arm would have been more efficient.
So you get the picture that I had a lot of stuff but I felt cheated. The total came out to be $15.50. It is no wonder the prices of 'combos' are not listed. Not a single person, in this economy in particular, should pull the trigger on that purchase. There is not enough money in Lane County for me to feel good about that type of purchase. Though I liked the movie (Vantage Point) I spent the entire time, and still am, thinking about how stupid I was for paying that much money for two cups of ice with a touch of lemonade and popcorn. Oil prices are going to be what they are because of our dependence on it. Movie snack prices are not necessary so let's band together and not purchase any of them. This certainly is a campaign that folks from all political walks of life can get behind. My political career known for consensus-building is off to a great start.
On the big board that displayed the 'combos' there was no dollar figure associated with them. If there had been I would have never considered it. So my wife and I go with #1 because it comes with two drinks and a popcorn. The drinks were huge and the popcorn was offensive in size. I was truly embarrassed by how much crap (yes, crap is the proper term for the stuff I had: pink lemonade and popcorn) I was carrying around the theater. My hands were so full I had to ask the ticket taker to take my tickets out of my back pocket. He declined so I was forced to make it work but larger hands would have been nice. In fact, another arm would have been more efficient.
So you get the picture that I had a lot of stuff but I felt cheated. The total came out to be $15.50. It is no wonder the prices of 'combos' are not listed. Not a single person, in this economy in particular, should pull the trigger on that purchase. There is not enough money in Lane County for me to feel good about that type of purchase. Though I liked the movie (Vantage Point) I spent the entire time, and still am, thinking about how stupid I was for paying that much money for two cups of ice with a touch of lemonade and popcorn. Oil prices are going to be what they are because of our dependence on it. Movie snack prices are not necessary so let's band together and not purchase any of them. This certainly is a campaign that folks from all political walks of life can get behind. My political career known for consensus-building is off to a great start.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Pet Happenings
It has been a few months since I railed on pets so I figure some words in that direction are due. It is about time the plight of the people that dislike pets gets more attention. Especially during an election year. Everyone else (no matter how lame their cause is, this one included) gets their voice heard. I may have left off with a black cat trying to challenge my authority as man of my house. Nothing quite that exciting has happened but the audacity of pet owners sure does pop up every now and then. Let’s see:
1. Back when our front yard was full of leaves I took it upon myself to rake the leaves. What a guy I am. Well, when I started some guy walked by with his dog and we exchanged hellos. Then about 30 minutes later he walks by again. Only this time he stops and so does his dog. And the dog does more than just stops, it takes a deuce. The dog owner thinks because it is dusk and because I am a champion raker of leaves that I didn’t even notice. I did and was appalled. Who in his/her right mind thinks its okay to let a dog poop in someone else’s lawn and not pick it up? Especially in a part of the lawn that I have yet to rake. So you know, as one who does not have/like pets I am offended by dogs pooping in my lawn even if it is picked up. Yet another story of jerk pet owners thinking they are special because they have taught their dog how to walk in a straight line. What an accomplishment! Have you thought about how much of a screw up your own kids are?
2. To show my softer side I will share the story of the dog that lives in the yard behind ours. Back when my wife first became pregnant and was sick far too much the neighbor dog found it enjoyable to bark all of the time. I suspect it barked when the owners were not home, which was from 8am to 5 pm, give or take a few minutes. I finally got sick and tired of the dog barking and decided to peak my head over the fence. It was a rainy day (one of the only ones in Eugene in the last 6 months if any football recruits are reading this) so I quickly ran outside and yelled at the dog in a very stern voice. The dog immediately obeyed but I felt sorry for it. It was tied to a stake in the middle of the yard under no tree or anything, just open to the rain. Again, it never rains in Eugene so I thought it sucked that the dog had to be wet for one afternoon. Needless to say I have never heard the dog bark again so I figured it only responds to stern words and it made me kind of sad, but not for too long.
3. I enjoy running and dislike dogs so you can imagine I have a grand time running around Eugene. Well, a few weeks ago I’m running along the river and some middle-aged new age-type guy is walking a pack of dogs. Okay, maybe two large dogs isn’t a pack but they were big. Neither of these dogs was on a leash though that rule is clearly stated on signs around the park. No one follows this rule so it is not as if he is alone in this practice. I mean come on with all of the transients in Eugene (again, if a recruit is reading this don’t think there are a lot of homeless people in Eugene even if there is) there are more important things to look out for. Who am I fooling; no one regulates anything around here. Back to the dogs, basically I had to dodge these dogs all around the trail. Mind you, there was a mulch trail 10 feet away but Mr. New Age Guy had to let his dogs roam the blacktop trail. How would he like it if I bothered him while he was campaigning for Ralph Nader by driving off the road and running him over?
4. This last little story takes the cake. My disdain for pompous pet owners has reached a new level. We live near a rather busy intersection, which sucks for a variety of reasons but I would have never thought of this one. Over the weekend some classy Eugene resident decided our trash can was the proper place to dispose of his dog’s 3-pound dump. I suspect it was a German Shepard but that it a total guess in the dark. Imagine my surprise when I opened the garbage to find that. I don’t need anyone telling me about the garbage stinking when I have a kid (it is not the same thing, when will pet owners get over the fact that dogs are not humans?) or it is better to have the poop in my garbage than on leaves. The only thing I distaste more than pets are the people that put them in sweaters and parade them around town as if they are contributing members of society.
5. FYI - A friend of mine told me today that he saw a lady walking a sheep near the hospital. This is not a joke and I believe his story. Not even the most creative of characters could come up with something like that. In an effort to be a great journalist I need a couple of more sources before I type up anything about this for others to read. Can anyone confirm this and if so do you have the number to U-Haul or any other company that can assist me in moving?
That is all I have about pets for now. I suspect I will only get more and more annoyed by pets and the privilege they live in this town once my kid starts going to school. That is if the schools suck, I don’t even know if they do but I do know some parents who lead the PTA around town are a little rough around the edges!
1. Back when our front yard was full of leaves I took it upon myself to rake the leaves. What a guy I am. Well, when I started some guy walked by with his dog and we exchanged hellos. Then about 30 minutes later he walks by again. Only this time he stops and so does his dog. And the dog does more than just stops, it takes a deuce. The dog owner thinks because it is dusk and because I am a champion raker of leaves that I didn’t even notice. I did and was appalled. Who in his/her right mind thinks its okay to let a dog poop in someone else’s lawn and not pick it up? Especially in a part of the lawn that I have yet to rake. So you know, as one who does not have/like pets I am offended by dogs pooping in my lawn even if it is picked up. Yet another story of jerk pet owners thinking they are special because they have taught their dog how to walk in a straight line. What an accomplishment! Have you thought about how much of a screw up your own kids are?
2. To show my softer side I will share the story of the dog that lives in the yard behind ours. Back when my wife first became pregnant and was sick far too much the neighbor dog found it enjoyable to bark all of the time. I suspect it barked when the owners were not home, which was from 8am to 5 pm, give or take a few minutes. I finally got sick and tired of the dog barking and decided to peak my head over the fence. It was a rainy day (one of the only ones in Eugene in the last 6 months if any football recruits are reading this) so I quickly ran outside and yelled at the dog in a very stern voice. The dog immediately obeyed but I felt sorry for it. It was tied to a stake in the middle of the yard under no tree or anything, just open to the rain. Again, it never rains in Eugene so I thought it sucked that the dog had to be wet for one afternoon. Needless to say I have never heard the dog bark again so I figured it only responds to stern words and it made me kind of sad, but not for too long.
3. I enjoy running and dislike dogs so you can imagine I have a grand time running around Eugene. Well, a few weeks ago I’m running along the river and some middle-aged new age-type guy is walking a pack of dogs. Okay, maybe two large dogs isn’t a pack but they were big. Neither of these dogs was on a leash though that rule is clearly stated on signs around the park. No one follows this rule so it is not as if he is alone in this practice. I mean come on with all of the transients in Eugene (again, if a recruit is reading this don’t think there are a lot of homeless people in Eugene even if there is) there are more important things to look out for. Who am I fooling; no one regulates anything around here. Back to the dogs, basically I had to dodge these dogs all around the trail. Mind you, there was a mulch trail 10 feet away but Mr. New Age Guy had to let his dogs roam the blacktop trail. How would he like it if I bothered him while he was campaigning for Ralph Nader by driving off the road and running him over?
4. This last little story takes the cake. My disdain for pompous pet owners has reached a new level. We live near a rather busy intersection, which sucks for a variety of reasons but I would have never thought of this one. Over the weekend some classy Eugene resident decided our trash can was the proper place to dispose of his dog’s 3-pound dump. I suspect it was a German Shepard but that it a total guess in the dark. Imagine my surprise when I opened the garbage to find that. I don’t need anyone telling me about the garbage stinking when I have a kid (it is not the same thing, when will pet owners get over the fact that dogs are not humans?) or it is better to have the poop in my garbage than on leaves. The only thing I distaste more than pets are the people that put them in sweaters and parade them around town as if they are contributing members of society.
5. FYI - A friend of mine told me today that he saw a lady walking a sheep near the hospital. This is not a joke and I believe his story. Not even the most creative of characters could come up with something like that. In an effort to be a great journalist I need a couple of more sources before I type up anything about this for others to read. Can anyone confirm this and if so do you have the number to U-Haul or any other company that can assist me in moving?
That is all I have about pets for now. I suspect I will only get more and more annoyed by pets and the privilege they live in this town once my kid starts going to school. That is if the schools suck, I don’t even know if they do but I do know some parents who lead the PTA around town are a little rough around the edges!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Use Google Reader Now
I’m not sure if anyone reading this blog (that is, if anyone actually reads it) enjoys reading multiple blogs but if you do I hope you have found Google Reader. (Yes, I do realize I'm probably late to this party.) I came across it yesterday and it has already changed my life. Knowing Google there are probably a number of functions Google Reader has but to the layman (or woman, I suppose) it brings all of your favorite blogs to one place. For people with a blog addiction this is incredibly helpful. Instead of going to each blog 14 times a day you just go to Google Reader and all of the posts you haven’t read are presented. When I set this up yesterday I realized I go to a ton of blogs (23 or 24 to be nearly exact). This is somewhat embarrassing but I’m already married so I have nothing to worry about. I am not a blog expert but Google Reader can fill you in on how to set it up. Just be on the lookout for ‘RSS’ or an orange fan-looking thing in the right-hand corner of where you type in a website address on Firefox on your favorite blogs to add them to your list.
For your peace of mind this is not a paid advertisement, it's just me looking out for you.
For your peace of mind this is not a paid advertisement, it's just me looking out for you.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Our Civic Duty
The big happening in our house this weekend is a visit from my in-laws. I love my in-laws and greatly appreciate every trip that they make up here. My only wish is that they could visit more often. That is enough of the sentimental stuff because I’m actually a little bummed about this visit. My mother-in-law was called to jury duty and was placed on a case at the beginning of the week. My in-laws were scheduled to be here on Thursday but that has been delayed until at least Friday. The judge promised her the case would be over by Wednesday or Thursday. Well, it looks like that was lie. Some jackleg has decided that he/she is going to go out on a limb. As of tonight 11 members of the jury fall on one side and the lone ranger is on the other.
I bring up the jury duty story because it reminded me of my first, and so far only, jury duty experience. I could go off on how angry I was at being summoned because it was about 3 months after I finished graduate school but I won’t. Just so you know, my anger relates to having to pay out-of-state tuition when I felt I should have been in-state. See if I ever donate money UO!
Okay, to the case. I was part of a group of 25 or so and we entered the courtroom. The judge and all of the other characters filed in and gave us the protocol. If I remember correctly the judge told us it was a drunk driving case before the plaintiff appeared. Then the plaintiff appeared and I thought for sure I was part of a prank. The supposed drunk driver was not over 42 inches tall. Yes, 42 inches tall! If I had not been sitting on the aisle I would not have even seen the plaintiff. I scanned the courtroom to see if there was a hidden camera crew or if someone else was laughing. To my surprise there was no camera and I was the only person that was struggling to maintain my composure.
The jury selection started after the plaintiff strolled in. I was towards the end of the group so it would have taken a miracle for me to be called to the jury box. No more a miracle than a 42-inch person driving, let alone driving drunk, but a miracle nonetheless. The jury was selected before I had a chance to display my ignorance but I had it all planned out. I would have told the attorneys that I could not in good conscience believe that lady had driven drunk without video evidence of her actually driving, and footage of her driving a golf cart would not have swayed me. It’s a classic question to ponder: Does a person 42-inches tall drive drunk without being able to drive at all?
I bring up the jury duty story because it reminded me of my first, and so far only, jury duty experience. I could go off on how angry I was at being summoned because it was about 3 months after I finished graduate school but I won’t. Just so you know, my anger relates to having to pay out-of-state tuition when I felt I should have been in-state. See if I ever donate money UO!
Okay, to the case. I was part of a group of 25 or so and we entered the courtroom. The judge and all of the other characters filed in and gave us the protocol. If I remember correctly the judge told us it was a drunk driving case before the plaintiff appeared. Then the plaintiff appeared and I thought for sure I was part of a prank. The supposed drunk driver was not over 42 inches tall. Yes, 42 inches tall! If I had not been sitting on the aisle I would not have even seen the plaintiff. I scanned the courtroom to see if there was a hidden camera crew or if someone else was laughing. To my surprise there was no camera and I was the only person that was struggling to maintain my composure.
The jury selection started after the plaintiff strolled in. I was towards the end of the group so it would have taken a miracle for me to be called to the jury box. No more a miracle than a 42-inch person driving, let alone driving drunk, but a miracle nonetheless. The jury was selected before I had a chance to display my ignorance but I had it all planned out. I would have told the attorneys that I could not in good conscience believe that lady had driven drunk without video evidence of her actually driving, and footage of her driving a golf cart would not have swayed me. It’s a classic question to ponder: Does a person 42-inches tall drive drunk without being able to drive at all?
Monday, January 14, 2008
Local News Makes Me Smarter
The beauty of living in a smaller city is that it is small. No matter how bad the traffic, it never really is that bad. Things on the other side of town are all of 15 minutes away, no matter the time of day. Don't get me wrong, there is a downside: quality of local news. For this reason I never watch local news but for some reason I watched about half of last night’s 30-minute newscast. It was absolute comedy.
Story #1: The lead story on the local news was a house fire in a nearby town. That obviously is not funny but the eyewitness account was. Joe Neighbor described the burning house then started tearing up. At this point he shared that he found the neighbor cat and rescued it but it was not breathing. He proceeded to give the cat CPR and after a few minutes he believed the cat was beginning to show signs of life. I’m not sure what else happened because I was absolutely stunned and needed to consult with my wife to make sure I heard that right. Being the animal lover I am not that was the last thing I expected to hear.
Story #2: Apparently some nasty gastroenteritis (sp?) has broken out in two areas of town. Where might this be? Well, one spot is a retirement home and the other is frat row. Am I the only one that is totally confused? How does a gastro something break out in those two places at the same time? I am having difficulty keeping my imagination under wraps and in a place that is appropriate. As a 25-year-old I find myself too old to hang out with the Greek Life folks. I can’t imagine what my grandpas would be doing with them.
Story #3: The city has a rather revolutionary and expensive bus that rolls through town. Yes, I wonder the same thing: How can a bus be revolutionary? That’s not the funny part though. According to the local transit department this bus was awarded honorable mention in its category by an international transportation group. The international group was never named, which I found suspicious and honorable mention was never defined. As far as I know honorable mention could mean the bus was self-nominated but not good enough to place. So every bus that participated received some type of recognition. I need more details to actually believe that this award means anything.
Story #4: As a tease for the weather forecast a cow in a random field was shown. It was kind of cool seeing the cow stare at the camera from a distance but I wasn’t sure what that had to do with the weather. Am I supposed to feel sorry for the cow because it has to stand in the rain for 9 months out of the year?
Story #5: The uber-talented sports reporter got in a few words about his upcoming segment on the local college basketball team before a commercial break. My wife heard him say, “rockin’ like dat” when talking about the home gym. I wasn’t sure if I heard those exact words but when it comes to listening my wife certainly is better than I at it. Our marriage couldn’t possibly be the only one where the wife is a better listener. Whether or not the sportscaster said those exact words we may never know but I have to go with what my wife heard.
As For Tonight: The lead story being talked about during commercials of primetime shows is a local family driving 1,000 miles with a dead grandma in the car. Something tells me this family loves to watch Little Miss Sunshine together.
Story #1: The lead story on the local news was a house fire in a nearby town. That obviously is not funny but the eyewitness account was. Joe Neighbor described the burning house then started tearing up. At this point he shared that he found the neighbor cat and rescued it but it was not breathing. He proceeded to give the cat CPR and after a few minutes he believed the cat was beginning to show signs of life. I’m not sure what else happened because I was absolutely stunned and needed to consult with my wife to make sure I heard that right. Being the animal lover I am not that was the last thing I expected to hear.
Story #2: Apparently some nasty gastroenteritis (sp?) has broken out in two areas of town. Where might this be? Well, one spot is a retirement home and the other is frat row. Am I the only one that is totally confused? How does a gastro something break out in those two places at the same time? I am having difficulty keeping my imagination under wraps and in a place that is appropriate. As a 25-year-old I find myself too old to hang out with the Greek Life folks. I can’t imagine what my grandpas would be doing with them.
Story #3: The city has a rather revolutionary and expensive bus that rolls through town. Yes, I wonder the same thing: How can a bus be revolutionary? That’s not the funny part though. According to the local transit department this bus was awarded honorable mention in its category by an international transportation group. The international group was never named, which I found suspicious and honorable mention was never defined. As far as I know honorable mention could mean the bus was self-nominated but not good enough to place. So every bus that participated received some type of recognition. I need more details to actually believe that this award means anything.
Story #4: As a tease for the weather forecast a cow in a random field was shown. It was kind of cool seeing the cow stare at the camera from a distance but I wasn’t sure what that had to do with the weather. Am I supposed to feel sorry for the cow because it has to stand in the rain for 9 months out of the year?
Story #5: The uber-talented sports reporter got in a few words about his upcoming segment on the local college basketball team before a commercial break. My wife heard him say, “rockin’ like dat” when talking about the home gym. I wasn’t sure if I heard those exact words but when it comes to listening my wife certainly is better than I at it. Our marriage couldn’t possibly be the only one where the wife is a better listener. Whether or not the sportscaster said those exact words we may never know but I have to go with what my wife heard.
As For Tonight: The lead story being talked about during commercials of primetime shows is a local family driving 1,000 miles with a dead grandma in the car. Something tells me this family loves to watch Little Miss Sunshine together.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Republican Hopefuls
Now it is the Elephants’ turn to prove themselves worthy of the nomination from The OpinionSmith.
Rudy Giuliani: Quite simply the most pathetic athletic resume I have ever seen. All I have found is that he is a Yankees fan. If a tyrannosaurus rex was in the presidential race, the dinosaur would get the nod over Guiliani if you asked me. And to top it all off he isn’t even that good at being a Yankees fan. He was rooting for the Red Sox in the most recent World Series. That is the true definition of a politician: Moronic.
Mike Huckabee: He is a former Baptist preacher, which isn’t impressive from an athletic standpoint. But did you know that the Baptist preacher at my church growing up played college and semi-pro basketball? Even more impressive is that Huckabee lost 110 pounds after finding out he had adult-onset diabetes. To put that in perspective: He lost my wife! I recall seeing him in a Runner’s World issue a while back because of the weight loss and the fact that he has run four marathons.
Duncan Hunter: He served in Vietnam but was not a POW, which I’m sure he is thankful for. The fact that he wasn’t a POW does not lessen the fact that he fought though. Hunter represents San Diego, which is a city I am very fond of from a sports perspective. I played in Spring Break baseball tournaments in my high school days and my wife ran a marathon there.
John McCain: Everyone should be familiar with the fact that McCain was a POW during Vietnam after his plane was shot down. If you’re not, shame on you. I encourage you to read up on his time in captivity because it’s quite amazing. All in all, McCain spent 5.5 years as a POW. Some lesser-known facts on him are that he received two varsity letters as a prep wrestler, boxed while attending the Naval Academy and drove a Corvette and dated an exotic dancer out of school. If that last tidbit doesn’t resonate with today’s professional athletes nothing will.
Ron Paul: Fairly impressive athletic resume when compared to the other characters in the race. He was the Pennsylvania state champion in the 220-yard dash and finished 2nd in the 440-yard dash in high school. Given those distances that must have been a long time ago since I’ve never heard of races at that distance. Rumor has it, Paul had a track scholarship but due to an injury he figured it would be prudent not to take the risk. He also competed in wrestling, football and baseball.
Mitt Romney: He has the best chance of relating to the lifestyle of an elite professional athlete. His net worth is estimated to be between $190M and $250M. You know you have a lot of money when the gap between the low end and high end is $60M. Romney did have a successful run as CEO of the Salt Lake Organizing Committee. From all accounts Salt Lake did a great job hosting the 2002 Winter Olympics and Romney gets some credit since he took over after it was determined the previous regime was corrupt.
Tom Tancredo: He taught junior high school before selling out and becoming a politician. A lot of junior high teachers are known to coach so maybe Tancredo did some of that. He is known for his hard-line stance on immigration so you have to figure he is a huge fan of Team USA at the Olympics or any other international competition.
Fred Thompson: After high school he worked nights at a bicycle assembly plant. This isn’t really the same as competing in the Tour de France but what else can you expect from an actor. Thompson had a role in Necessary Roughness (also starring Kathy Ireland, who was in the SI Swimsuit Issue a time or two) and Days of Thunder. Not exactly the makings of a decathlete here.
The Pick: Needless to say this group is much more impressive from an athletic standpoint than the Democrats. I get the impression that some of these guys have actually played sports during their lives. Since The OpinionSmith values winning more than just participating the choice is Ron Paul. He actually won a high school state championship. I love the fact that he knows how to win and that he did it in an individual event. There was no relying on teammates for Paul, just relying on his fast-twitch muscles.
Rudy Giuliani: Quite simply the most pathetic athletic resume I have ever seen. All I have found is that he is a Yankees fan. If a tyrannosaurus rex was in the presidential race, the dinosaur would get the nod over Guiliani if you asked me. And to top it all off he isn’t even that good at being a Yankees fan. He was rooting for the Red Sox in the most recent World Series. That is the true definition of a politician: Moronic.
Mike Huckabee: He is a former Baptist preacher, which isn’t impressive from an athletic standpoint. But did you know that the Baptist preacher at my church growing up played college and semi-pro basketball? Even more impressive is that Huckabee lost 110 pounds after finding out he had adult-onset diabetes. To put that in perspective: He lost my wife! I recall seeing him in a Runner’s World issue a while back because of the weight loss and the fact that he has run four marathons.
Duncan Hunter: He served in Vietnam but was not a POW, which I’m sure he is thankful for. The fact that he wasn’t a POW does not lessen the fact that he fought though. Hunter represents San Diego, which is a city I am very fond of from a sports perspective. I played in Spring Break baseball tournaments in my high school days and my wife ran a marathon there.
John McCain: Everyone should be familiar with the fact that McCain was a POW during Vietnam after his plane was shot down. If you’re not, shame on you. I encourage you to read up on his time in captivity because it’s quite amazing. All in all, McCain spent 5.5 years as a POW. Some lesser-known facts on him are that he received two varsity letters as a prep wrestler, boxed while attending the Naval Academy and drove a Corvette and dated an exotic dancer out of school. If that last tidbit doesn’t resonate with today’s professional athletes nothing will.
Ron Paul: Fairly impressive athletic resume when compared to the other characters in the race. He was the Pennsylvania state champion in the 220-yard dash and finished 2nd in the 440-yard dash in high school. Given those distances that must have been a long time ago since I’ve never heard of races at that distance. Rumor has it, Paul had a track scholarship but due to an injury he figured it would be prudent not to take the risk. He also competed in wrestling, football and baseball.
Mitt Romney: He has the best chance of relating to the lifestyle of an elite professional athlete. His net worth is estimated to be between $190M and $250M. You know you have a lot of money when the gap between the low end and high end is $60M. Romney did have a successful run as CEO of the Salt Lake Organizing Committee. From all accounts Salt Lake did a great job hosting the 2002 Winter Olympics and Romney gets some credit since he took over after it was determined the previous regime was corrupt.
Tom Tancredo: He taught junior high school before selling out and becoming a politician. A lot of junior high teachers are known to coach so maybe Tancredo did some of that. He is known for his hard-line stance on immigration so you have to figure he is a huge fan of Team USA at the Olympics or any other international competition.
Fred Thompson: After high school he worked nights at a bicycle assembly plant. This isn’t really the same as competing in the Tour de France but what else can you expect from an actor. Thompson had a role in Necessary Roughness (also starring Kathy Ireland, who was in the SI Swimsuit Issue a time or two) and Days of Thunder. Not exactly the makings of a decathlete here.
The Pick: Needless to say this group is much more impressive from an athletic standpoint than the Democrats. I get the impression that some of these guys have actually played sports during their lives. Since The OpinionSmith values winning more than just participating the choice is Ron Paul. He actually won a high school state championship. I love the fact that he knows how to win and that he did it in an individual event. There was no relying on teammates for Paul, just relying on his fast-twitch muscles.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Democratic Hopefuls
The research has been done and consider yourself lucky. I am letting you in on how The OpinionSmith selects candidates from both parties. Without further ado here are the Donkeys.
Joe Biden: What is it with these East Coast lawyer types? Again, no mention of sports which makes voting for him impossible. In his first Senate election he beat J. Caleb Boggs. Wade Boggs, not sure if related, was quite a baseball player and even more of a legend when the liquor cabinet was involved. Biden also worked to pass a bill that made androstenedione illegal. I wonder what “worked” means. Does it mean he voted against it or actually laid some of the groundwork for the bill?
Hillary Clinton: Apparently she participated in tennis and other sports as a kid. Not exactly the most impressive sports resume. She certainly can relate to the career path of a middle reliever having been raised in Illinois and claiming Arkansas, Washington, D.C. and New York as home.
Chris Dodd: Dodd isn’t much of an athlete. If he really is he can thank his Wikipedia page for mentioning his athletic prowess exactly zero times. I really had to connect-the-dots to make mention of sports with this guy. He attended Georgetown Prep in Bethesda, MD. Since it is an all boys school you have to figure the school is a sports power. Since it’s a preppy East Coast school G Prep probably dominates crew, which isn’t all that impressive.
John Edwards: He was a football star in high school, which isn’t a surprise at all. With his charm and good looks you have to figure he was the James Van Der Beek from Varsity Blues at his own school. During his schooling Edwards attended three ACC schools (Clemson, NCSU, UNC). I’m guessing when he talks of two Americas he’s referring to his type (uber-rich) and the ‘poor’ folk he befriended at public universities.
Mike Gravel: Apparently he is a candidate. I saw him at the first debate and thought he was a paid actor trying to make the debate exciting. He drove a taxicab during college so he might be the choice of liberal NASCAR fans. I say fans but would be surprised if it was even a fan.
Dennis Kucinich: He was a third-string varsity quarterback in high school. I admit to respecting his honesty. He could have pulled a Richardson and said he was a Notre Dame recruit. Kucinich is vegan so his disdain for Michael Vick must be as high as anyone else’s. My love for meat (I know this makes me an evil Neanderthal but I have to be honest) makes voting for him unlikely.
Barack Obama: During his much-publicized childhood he spent time in Indonesia and Hawaii. I suppose this means he may have spent some time on a surfboard. He did play basketball in high school and continues to play. Obama claims to be a good poker player but I don’t consider that a sport so it factors very little into whether I pick him. Plus, who doesn’t say they are good at poker? If you have played poker against 3 friends and won the pot you say you are good. Lastly, Obama’s dad is Kenyan. Kenyans are phenomenal distance runners so if Obama decided to quit smoking (not a very athletic thing to do) he may become quite the runner.
Bill Richardson: Like many boys growing up Richardson played baseball in high school. Unlike many boys Richardson was selected in the baseball draft. Well, he said he was drafted. It turns out they keep track of such things and there is no record of a Bill Richardson being drafted. It’s easy to relate to someone that remembers his playing days fondly (though not quite to the level of lying about being drafted) so you might be able to relate to Richardson.
The Pick: The OpinionSmith has to go with Bill Richardson. I love recounting my days as a prep baseball prodigy. I batted .500 senior year (1 for 2) and definitely would have been drafted if I had wanted to be. It’s just that I wanted to move on with life and subject myself to college courses. Other factors that likely explain why I wasn’t drafted were that I peaked in my freshman and sophomore seasons, broke my thumb both years of varsity and was stuck behind someone currently playing AA ball for the Indians.
Joe Biden: What is it with these East Coast lawyer types? Again, no mention of sports which makes voting for him impossible. In his first Senate election he beat J. Caleb Boggs. Wade Boggs, not sure if related, was quite a baseball player and even more of a legend when the liquor cabinet was involved. Biden also worked to pass a bill that made androstenedione illegal. I wonder what “worked” means. Does it mean he voted against it or actually laid some of the groundwork for the bill?
Hillary Clinton: Apparently she participated in tennis and other sports as a kid. Not exactly the most impressive sports resume. She certainly can relate to the career path of a middle reliever having been raised in Illinois and claiming Arkansas, Washington, D.C. and New York as home.
Chris Dodd: Dodd isn’t much of an athlete. If he really is he can thank his Wikipedia page for mentioning his athletic prowess exactly zero times. I really had to connect-the-dots to make mention of sports with this guy. He attended Georgetown Prep in Bethesda, MD. Since it is an all boys school you have to figure the school is a sports power. Since it’s a preppy East Coast school G Prep probably dominates crew, which isn’t all that impressive.
John Edwards: He was a football star in high school, which isn’t a surprise at all. With his charm and good looks you have to figure he was the James Van Der Beek from Varsity Blues at his own school. During his schooling Edwards attended three ACC schools (Clemson, NCSU, UNC). I’m guessing when he talks of two Americas he’s referring to his type (uber-rich) and the ‘poor’ folk he befriended at public universities.
Mike Gravel: Apparently he is a candidate. I saw him at the first debate and thought he was a paid actor trying to make the debate exciting. He drove a taxicab during college so he might be the choice of liberal NASCAR fans. I say fans but would be surprised if it was even a fan.
Dennis Kucinich: He was a third-string varsity quarterback in high school. I admit to respecting his honesty. He could have pulled a Richardson and said he was a Notre Dame recruit. Kucinich is vegan so his disdain for Michael Vick must be as high as anyone else’s. My love for meat (I know this makes me an evil Neanderthal but I have to be honest) makes voting for him unlikely.
Barack Obama: During his much-publicized childhood he spent time in Indonesia and Hawaii. I suppose this means he may have spent some time on a surfboard. He did play basketball in high school and continues to play. Obama claims to be a good poker player but I don’t consider that a sport so it factors very little into whether I pick him. Plus, who doesn’t say they are good at poker? If you have played poker against 3 friends and won the pot you say you are good. Lastly, Obama’s dad is Kenyan. Kenyans are phenomenal distance runners so if Obama decided to quit smoking (not a very athletic thing to do) he may become quite the runner.
Bill Richardson: Like many boys growing up Richardson played baseball in high school. Unlike many boys Richardson was selected in the baseball draft. Well, he said he was drafted. It turns out they keep track of such things and there is no record of a Bill Richardson being drafted. It’s easy to relate to someone that remembers his playing days fondly (though not quite to the level of lying about being drafted) so you might be able to relate to Richardson.
The Pick: The OpinionSmith has to go with Bill Richardson. I love recounting my days as a prep baseball prodigy. I batted .500 senior year (1 for 2) and definitely would have been drafted if I had wanted to be. It’s just that I wanted to move on with life and subject myself to college courses. Other factors that likely explain why I wasn’t drafted were that I peaked in my freshman and sophomore seasons, broke my thumb both years of varsity and was stuck behind someone currently playing AA ball for the Indians.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
In The Works
In the next couple of days I will be rolling out my latest investigative work. Since it’s getting close to the presidential primaries it is appropriate for The OpinionSmith to make known its picks. After analyzing the field for both the Republican and Democratic parties I chose one from each that best fits the ideals of The OpinionSmith. It is expected that if you are registered to vote and plan to do so in your state primary that you will choose the candidate recommended.
I looked at the race, not from an issues perspective, but from a sports perspective. My research has shown that some of the candidates have more, and in some cases far more, interests in athletics. For each of the candidates I went to his/her Wikipedia page to get the information. It was impossible to find out if any of these characters had a sporting past or present by looking at official campaign websites. Those sites spent their time on immigration, the economy, foreign relations and other issues that The OpinionSmith doesn’t care about.
It is understood that Wikipedia is not the end all source of factual evidence. For this reason I made sure that the information I used was cited and from a reputable source. I would not recommend going to each of the candidates’ Wikipedia pages unless you are incredibly bored. To save you time I will let you know about the candidates. Let’s see: a childhood of privilege, young adult years spent in prestigious law schools and adulthood selling their souls to their respective political party’s devil. A couple of these candidates do not fit this profile but they are the exception, not the rule. Just thank me for doing the legwork later. In summary, without sports I would have no chance to relate to any of them. Thankfully sports allow me to relate to this bunch so I’ll let you in on what I found in the coming days.
(Photo of White House from Ben's Guide.)
Born in 1938
Video games have never been that big of a deal to me. We never had video games when I was growing up. In elementary school I begged for a Sega Game Gear but not hard enough. It’s just as well, I always had to be outside playing sports anyway. My big video game moment happened in middle school. My mom, sister and I waited in line during the wee hours of the morning at Wal-Mart the day after Thanksgiving. It was the day that Nintendo 64 was released. So of course, we waited in that line to buy Super Nintendo because it was super cheap. It was hilarious because there was a mad rush for the electronics department and my sister and I were the only ones jacked to see the Super Nintendo pile. In the 10+ years since my family has yet to buy another system.
Well, those days of never being that impressed/enamored with video games may be coming to an end. My wife and I had the pleasure of playing Wii Fitness. It was a lot of fun. I certainly was not any better at the Wii than any other video game system but I had a great time playing it. After playing a little bit of tennis, baseball and bowling the Nintendo Wii calculated my skill level to be that of a 69-year-old. Yeah, I thought of all the jokes too! I have no idea how the age was calculated. The thing about the Wii that made it fun for me was that I could run around the living room and prove that I was a top-notch athlete. I may have slipped and fell over the ottoman once or twice but I could care less.
What was difficult for me to handle was that my wife performed as a 46-year-old would. Only in video game land could a pregnant lady be that much more athletic than I! The 23-year difference can be attributed to bowling, which I found outrageous. She smoked me in that but I did very well in the home run derby in relation. That is the last of the complaining you’ll hear from me. The next time I play I will score better than my wife!
Well, those days of never being that impressed/enamored with video games may be coming to an end. My wife and I had the pleasure of playing Wii Fitness. It was a lot of fun. I certainly was not any better at the Wii than any other video game system but I had a great time playing it. After playing a little bit of tennis, baseball and bowling the Nintendo Wii calculated my skill level to be that of a 69-year-old. Yeah, I thought of all the jokes too! I have no idea how the age was calculated. The thing about the Wii that made it fun for me was that I could run around the living room and prove that I was a top-notch athlete. I may have slipped and fell over the ottoman once or twice but I could care less.
What was difficult for me to handle was that my wife performed as a 46-year-old would. Only in video game land could a pregnant lady be that much more athletic than I! The 23-year difference can be attributed to bowling, which I found outrageous. She smoked me in that but I did very well in the home run derby in relation. That is the last of the complaining you’ll hear from me. The next time I play I will score better than my wife!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Great Parenting
I am still making every effort to get an official number on the number of people that were actually in the building for the women’s basketball game on November 15th. The paper reported 2,008 in attendance but even I know Eugene does not have that many crazy people. With the Thanksgiving weekend upon us I likely won’t get an answer until early next week. I have spoken with one person and that individual guessed the number to be very low but doubts I will be able to stay in Eugene through 2010 if I stay true to my word.
In related news there may actually be some normal parents in town. And of course, it’s how I define normal, which isn’t normal at all! Someone told me they were going to go to women’s basketball games this year because the head coach hands out an iPod to a fan every game. I can neither confirm nor deny that an iPod is actually given but I have no reason not to believe the guy. Well, come to find out this guy told his mom he was going to attend women’s basketball games just to receive an iPod. Her response was, “How much does the iPod cost? I’ll give you the money to buy one so you don’t go to women’s basketball games.” That is an excellent response from mom. Can you imagine showing mom and dad a report card they paid for with subpar grades and explaining it’s because you were watching way too much women’s basketball? That has to be what this mom was thinking when she offered up cash to go buy an iPod.
In related news there may actually be some normal parents in town. And of course, it’s how I define normal, which isn’t normal at all! Someone told me they were going to go to women’s basketball games this year because the head coach hands out an iPod to a fan every game. I can neither confirm nor deny that an iPod is actually given but I have no reason not to believe the guy. Well, come to find out this guy told his mom he was going to attend women’s basketball games just to receive an iPod. Her response was, “How much does the iPod cost? I’ll give you the money to buy one so you don’t go to women’s basketball games.” That is an excellent response from mom. Can you imagine showing mom and dad a report card they paid for with subpar grades and explaining it’s because you were watching way too much women’s basketball? That has to be what this mom was thinking when she offered up cash to go buy an iPod.
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