Greatest Day Ever

President Barack Obama has taken over so all of our worries can go out the window. If he can't fix our problems then no one can. Though it seems he has an incredibly difficult job ahead of him all he needs to do if something goes wrong is blame Bush and no one will think twice. It does not matter if it is something that happens years from now or if it is a natural disaster that happens in the Great Lakes Region. I say all of this mostly tongue-in-cheek and actually hope he can pull everything off he wants to.

To call the man ambitious would be an understatement. Most families in America can't make necessary changes over the course of a presidency but Pres. Obama and his supporters seem to think he can change an entire country. It seems far-fetched to me but I am just being a downer. I am a bit more realistic so here are my suggestions for Pres. Obama and America for the next couple of years:

1. Let's just leave his daughters alone. Maybe it is because I have a daughter but are we that pathetic that we have to follow their every move? And please do not tell me that the daughter's outfits are so, so cute. No matter what a young girl wears, they are going to look cute.

2. Is it possible for a president to age gracefully while in office? The only presidents I really remember in my lifetime have been Clinton and the second Bush. Following their eight years of service they looked 20 years older.

3. Keep his word on one thing and one thing only. As I have mentioned he has set up quite a lineup of things to take on but the one that interests me the most is getting rid of government programs that are a waste. As one who thinks a vast majority of government programs are a waste I will be interested in seeing what fat gets cut. My premonition is that if any fat is cut it will only be replaced by more (think of a typical Oprah diet if you need a visual), but we will have to wait and see.

This list is not very daunting and should be very easy for Pres. Obama and Americans to tackle together. If it were just these two parties, something may actually get done. I hope all the best for Pres. Obama but suspect dealing with all of the clowns in Congress could make life more difficult than anything else.

A Small Political Rant

(Warning: I am not a politician so when I talk politics it is real, not contrived. Therefore, I bounce from topic to topic and have a hard time making my points flow.)

I usually try not to talk too much politics on here. Though it is mentioned in the subtitle I figure it is best I leave that stuff alone. (Update: It is not in the subtitle. Oh well, you can still read this if you want.) Not too many people agree with my beliefs and certainly not very many people in my demographic. People enjoy reading what someone has to say about sports if they do not agree. It just fires them up to respond or wallow in the truth that was just read. When it comes to politics people take it far too seriously. The bottom line with thinking related to politics is that most people think their beliefs are the only ones. If someone else believes differently then they are terrible people. Don't believe me? Just be me in a journalism graduate school class during the '04 election and you will know what I am talking about.

Today the weird worlds of sports and politics intersected for me. As is my usual Friday tradition I wore a black polo shirt with a small, white Oregon 'O' on the left front breast. (I realize front breast is a bit redundant.) It very closely resembles the shirt that is to be worn at work so I have made the executive decision that I can wear it on Fridays. Before I made it to work I needed to stop at Kinko's to send out an item for express delivery. As I returned to my car a redneck came barreling through the parking lot. He glanced at my shirt and proceeded to 'M-F' me (sorry for not writing what he actually said, use your brain to figure it out) for wearing an Obama shirt. By the time I realized he was talking to me he had already passed. Trust me when I say that this guy was a redneck. He was driving a pickup, had a hat on with a bill that was curved to a near semi-circle, sported what looked like a Carhartt style jacket and well, said what he said.

The funny part about the incident is that if he had actually known what the 'O' on my shirt meant then he would have probably assumed I was an Obama backer anyway. Unfortunately, that is not the case. For fiscal reasons alone I am not prone to vote for a Democrat. And if the last few years are any indication, not a Republican either. Since I am so poor at this moment Obama's tax plan does not really tweak me. Rest assured, I am not out for handouts like a fair number of people. By the next election I hope to be close to needing a Republican in office for income tax reasons. I'll keep you posted on how that goes!

Now that I have tip-toed around the fact that I did not vote for Obama because I'm not that fired up about him I will try to win your hearts back. I abstained from making a selection on the presidential portion of my ballot. Maybe I am chicken but I could not bring myself to vote for someone just because. (The presence of the electoral college also made my vote pointless since I live in California and it was not going to be for Obama.) By choosing a running mate that is not smarter than me McCain lost my vote. That is one of my simple criterion when looking to vote for president. Are the people on the ticket smarter than me? I am not the smartest person so that is not a high bar to set but given Palin's performances I had to conclude that I would destroy her in any version of Trivial Pursuit. For those that want to say that T-Pursuit does not establish if one is smart or not, get a clue. It is meant as a joke. But if you know me you know you would bet your house that I would win that match up! Reading every word on the Internet allows for my brain to store an inordinate amount of pointless information.

The last little portion of the election that confuses me and forces me to question the intelligence of Americans is that local people did not get the boot like the national leaders. Though I am conservative (not registered with any party though) I found nothing wrong with Americans deciding it was time to give someone else a chance to drive the ship. But why doesn't that trickle down to the local offices as well? Here in my city things are just like they are elsewhere. Times are tough. But who wins the seats on city council? The incumbents. Give me a break. It is nice to put a new guy in the White House but what is he really going to do for the city. To be frank, nothing. The city council has a lot more to do with our day-to-day lives than does the POTUS.

Now that the American people have voted I hope Obama is up to the challenge. It takes tough skin to take the blame for everything that happens. You have to figure since Bush gets blamed for car wrecks, hang nails and attic fires that Obama will get blamed for weird things as well. As an American I am left to hope he can keep half the promises he made. We sure as hell know he made a lot of them. I am not going to stand in front of the Mormon temple and demand the results change because they are not as I would want them. Obama won fair and square so he is the one to take over and I can live with that.

In a terrible attempt to abruptly wrap this up I will return to my 'Oregon/Obama' shirt. After I chuckled at the idiocy of the redneck I got in my vehicle and proceeded out of the parking lot to the intersection. It just so happened that I was one lane over and one car ahead of the redneck at the red light. With my Oregon 'O' sticker on the back I can only assume he thought I was taunting him. His windows were rolled up by then so I was not able to hear the venom I assume he was spewing. How dare I wear an 'Obama' shirt and put an 'Obama' sticker on my vehicle!

Late Look At Opening Ceremonies

The incredibly confusing time difference makes a late recap of the Opening Ceremonies acceptable. I am a huge fan of the Olympics. During the Olympics I hate every competitor that is not American. I realize having outrageous American pride is not cool these days but I do very few things that are cool. A sappy story from NBC does nothing to change my opinion. If you are not wearing the Stars and Stripes then I am rooting for you to lose, get hurt, quit or all of the above. To top it all off I strongly dislike China at all times so I am really getting into these Olympics. I stayed up what seemed like all night to watch the Opening Ceremonies and noticed some things. It started at 7:30pm and ended at midnight. Since becoming a new dad midnight now seems like 4:00am but I battled through and made it to the end. I commend myself on getting the Games off to a very strong start and setting the tone for the rest of the team. Now the in-depth analysis:

China is stupid - They spent $300M on the Opening Ceremony, which is nothing short of ridiculous. I could care less if Bob Costas wants to blow hot air about how beautiful and miraculous it is. China is a pathetic Communist country that should be spending its money in better ways. We are only two days into these Games and I am sick of the American media spending all of its time talking about how great Beijing is. Costas and all of the others are scared to say anything truthful about China so I hope they stick to talking about the competition and leave commentary on the actual country to people that aren't sell-outs. Okay, I'm done ranting on China. There are not enough fireworks in the world to make me change my mind.

China is really stupid - A country that appears to be larger than the United States has one timezone! Please don't let any person that loves bashing Americans (this includes pretentious Americans) tell you Chinese people are smarter than we are.

Attractive athletes - You know some of the South American athletes are very attractive when I find myself appreciating their presence at the Games and could find myself rooting for them. Did anyone else notice the only athlete they showed from Paraguay?

Random countries - Since all countries, for the most part, are a part of the Olympics I shouldn't be surprised to see a country competing but I was. I would expect to see Palastine if suicide car bombing were an event or Nicaragua if drug cartel efficiency were a factor in gymnastics judging.

Familiar face - The gentleman holding the flag for Belarus looked eerily familiar to an ophthamologist I know in Eugene, OR. Not too many mustached men with gray hair holding flags in Beijing.

Fashion police - I am famous for having an impeccable sense of style. Recently I asked my wife if a black polo would look good with brown pants and was laughed out of the bedroom. (Please no jokes about being laughed out of the bedroom. I have thought of them on my own so it wouldn't be orginal.) Come on, I thought black went with everything. With that being said the Hungarian women were wearing white dresses with large red flowers. They looked an awful lot like a dress my mom wore in the late 80s for one of our Easter family pictures. Hungary was not the worst dressed folks though. Someone in Denmark thought it would be a good idea to wear jort capris. Maybe appropriate at an SEC football game but certainly not the Olympics.

No Borat - I scoured the Kazakhstan team for Borat and could not find him. A few of them could pass as his cousin but that is about it.

W is proud - My coolness is going way down because I thought it was awesome that Bush was there and that he was fired up when the US team came into the stadium. Most people probably dislike him enough to never read my blog again because I said that but I could care less. My American pride is at an all-time high right now.

Jason Kidd - People should be more offended by Jason Kidd's presence in Beijing than Bush's. Kidd is terrible and old. Not a good combination when we are trying to reclaim our rightful place at the top of the basketball world.

Chinese Taipei or Taiwan - Would someone explain this to me? I went to school with a girl from Taiwan but whenever a team from that country is competing at a world event (Olympics, Little League World Series, etc.) it is listed as Chinese Taipei. If they want to be called Taiwan why do we bother to call it by a name China would prefer?

Torch lighting - I heard so much about the torch lighting that I had no other option but to stay up to watch it. It was kind of cool to see an old gymnast look a little awkward trying to run around the top of the stadium but it took forever. I took two naps while the torch was going around the stadium and the lighting ended up being okay. The HD made it look cool but China should have spent $350M so the actual lighting was more spectacular. They couldn't displace another million poor people to use a panda bear for the torch lighting?

Medal count - There was talk at the Opening Ceremonies that China had a chance to overtake the US in the medal count. Over my dead body. If China ends up with more medals than the US then you can be guaranteed Olympic drug testing is a joke. I have nothing more to say about that. The US will dominate the Games and I am going to love it.

Just A Regular Person

When I see a YouTube clip that is too good to pass up I need to share it with you. Let me be very clear that this posting in no way supports any candidate. In fact, I am certain I would not vote for any of the candidates involved in the primary the candidate shown below is competing in. By way of Politico I present to you the candidate who has been railing on Barack Obama for being too elitist and out-of-touch with common folk.



Note: There is not a single presidential candidate with a legitimate chance of winning that is not elitist. I do not care what college, high school or preschool he/she attended. For the stuffed suits of any party to consider a person for the candidacy he/she has to be an elite pompous sell-out, not just a pompous sell-out.

Mr. Smith Goes To Washington

Apologies for the tacky title but it is appropriate. Many people probably watched the hearings today involving Roger Clemens and wondered who on earth is telling the truth. I, on the otherhand, wondered why all of the talking heads asking questions were so old. After seeing the U.S. Representatives in all of their shining glory I am certain I can be one. Not in 30 years, but tomorrow. Not a single one of them was overly impressive and none of them struck me as having any idea what the hell was going on. I’m sure friends of politicians want to tell me that sports are not their cup of tea and they are experts on other things but I don’t want to hear any of it. Taxpayers and voters elect these folks to have their acts together and do research if needed. Whether you think Congress should be grilling baseball players is up for debate but when a representative has a couple of weeks to get ready I should not here one of the blue hairs, Paul E. Kanjorski (D-PA), wonder who went to Joe-see Can-sucko’s party.

In addition to screwing up the name of a player that has actually given testimony more than once, Kanjorski was lame. Instead of asking Clemens or McNamee a question he chickened out and asked Scheeler of the Mitchell Report some questions. In addition to asking the one guy present that did not need to answer any questions, Kanjorski was asking Scheeler questions that did not pertain to him. Kanjorski wanted Scheeler to describe inconsistencies in the Mitchell Report. The only problem was that the inconsistencies were a result of what was in the Mitchell Report and what was in a sworn deposition after the Mitchell Report came out. Kanjorski time for you to retire, you are terrible at reading and need to learn how to create a timeline so you don’t look like a buffoon.

Then we had Dan Burton (R-IN) get on his high horse and give a heartfelt story on how he felt Clemens was a titan in baseball and McNamee is the scum of the earth. Burton didn’t really get many questions out during his time but he had no reason to use the microphone due to his loud and emotional plea. His love for Clemens was a bit over the top even when it’s this close to Valentine’s Day. I do know that if I were a lobbyist on Capitol Hill, Burton would be my first target. All I need to do is take him out for lunch or pay for his commute on the Metro and he’ll sell his firstborn for my cause.

Tom Davis (R-VA) really got on my nerves. He had a starring role, in addition to being Clemens’ third attorney, because he was co-chairman or something. I realize that politicians as a rule are slick and probably sleazy but I got the impression he was in the front of that line. Davis knew he was going to be on TV a lot, probably because he loved Clemens so much, so he sported a pinstriped suit. I generally have nothing against pinstriped or attention-grabbing suits (see my Senior Ball outfit) but in this case he did not need to be or try to be the show. Just show up in a dark suit like everyone else and get to the bottom of the PED issue in baseball. Hey Davis, you’re not there to look like an NBA player or a nominee at the Grammy’s.

One of these days I’m going to consider putting my hat in the ring. I know how to read, do research and work my balls off. Aside from not having any money or the desire to be a sellout to any one political party or cause I think I’m perfect for a position in Congress. Well, I would also have to move because the letter after my name would make people in my current district want to get syphilis before voting for me but maybe I’ll just throw an ‘I’ after my name to make it work.

Bowl Wrap-Up

Incredible Boredom: I have a serious addiction to college football. In fact, New Year’s is only a big deal to me because it means there are multiple football games to watch. Rarely, do I make it to midnight because I need to wake up early to watch the first game. Well, this year that totally backfired. The only game worth watching (Michigan vs. Florida) was the first game of the morning for me. The USC vs. Illinois game was a debacle (special thanks go out to Tom Hansen for that) and Georgia vs. Hawai’i was the worst bowl game I remember watching in many years. That game more closely resembled an SEC preseason game where they pay some hapless I-AA team to get their heads beat in. Now that I have had a couple of days to think about it, I am thrilled I woke up early. If I had decided to see some silly glass ball drop on tape delay I would have never seen a competitive game. To not see a competitive New Year’s Day bowl game would have been an awful start to 2008.

“They are who we thought they were!”: If anyone was surprised by Ohio State’s performance in the BCS Championship Game then you are an idiot. I doubt I’m offending anyone reading this since if you are smart enough to read you would not have thought Ohio State had a chance. My favorite explanation for why this year would be different was because expectations for Ohio State were different. The theory went that last year Ohio State started to believe the media hype and decided not to show up. Whereas this year the media dogged on them so they were going to be inspired to prove them wrong. That logic does not deserve any more discussion, it is that stupid.

Assistant Coaches Getting Dunked: I’m sure this has happened before but I noticed a lot of assistant coaches getting the Gatorade bath this year. The first team I noticed was the Oregon squad but I also noticed some of the BCS teams doing it. It makes sense that these coaches are the ones getting drenched. These coaches are the ones that the players deal with every single day. The head coach doesn’t hang out with every player every day. In fact, my guess is that a player most often deals with the head coach when he is being a screw up. It was cool seeing the position coaches getting drenched. They seemed pleasantly surprised and given the amount of time they devote to each player, the recognition is deserved.

Sun Bowl Sponsor: I love Brut! That was a common phrase among some friends that made the trek to “beautiful” El Paso. The only problem is that many people I have talked to have no idea what Brut is. Some people just had no guess and others thought it was a wine. This Brut is actually in the male fragrance sector. Most grandpas probably are all too familiar with Brut but anyone who does not have grandchildren has never used the product. If you are dying for some Brut product I know some people that would gladly send it your way so just send an e-mail. Sources close to me say a more appropriate sponsor for the Sun Bowl would be a lip balm manufacturer. The Sun Bowl folks could wage quite a bidding war for the game’s official sponsor if they pitted ChapStick and Carmex against each other.

Totally Unrelated: While typing this I watched the New Hampshire Primary speeches from Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Though I likely wouldn’t vote for either, if forced to pick one it would certainly be Obama. That guy has incredible charisma. I could care less if he doesn’t have a track record. What good is a track record anyways? All politicians do is lie and go back on their words. None have conviction in their ideas so I’m not sure a lack of a track record or definitive game plan is that tragic. Anyhow, let’s just say I could listen to Obama on the stump. On the other hand, I’d much rather have a ball rash than listen to Hillary ramble and ramble and ramble on.

Republican Hopefuls

Now it is the Elephants’ turn to prove themselves worthy of the nomination from The OpinionSmith.

Rudy Giuliani: Quite simply the most pathetic athletic resume I have ever seen. All I have found is that he is a Yankees fan. If a tyrannosaurus rex was in the presidential race, the dinosaur would get the nod over Guiliani if you asked me. And to top it all off he isn’t even that good at being a Yankees fan. He was rooting for the Red Sox in the most recent World Series. That is the true definition of a politician: Moronic.

Mike Huckabee: He is a former Baptist preacher, which isn’t impressive from an athletic standpoint. But did you know that the Baptist preacher at my church growing up played college and semi-pro basketball? Even more impressive is that Huckabee lost 110 pounds after finding out he had adult-onset diabetes. To put that in perspective: He lost my wife! I recall seeing him in a Runner’s World issue a while back because of the weight loss and the fact that he has run four marathons.

Duncan Hunter: He served in Vietnam but was not a POW, which I’m sure he is thankful for. The fact that he wasn’t a POW does not lessen the fact that he fought though. Hunter represents San Diego, which is a city I am very fond of from a sports perspective. I played in Spring Break baseball tournaments in my high school days and my wife ran a marathon there.

John McCain: Everyone should be familiar with the fact that McCain was a POW during Vietnam after his plane was shot down. If you’re not, shame on you. I encourage you to read up on his time in captivity because it’s quite amazing. All in all, McCain spent 5.5 years as a POW. Some lesser-known facts on him are that he received two varsity letters as a prep wrestler, boxed while attending the Naval Academy and drove a Corvette and dated an exotic dancer out of school. If that last tidbit doesn’t resonate with today’s professional athletes nothing will.

Ron Paul: Fairly impressive athletic resume when compared to the other characters in the race. He was the Pennsylvania state champion in the 220-yard dash and finished 2nd in the 440-yard dash in high school. Given those distances that must have been a long time ago since I’ve never heard of races at that distance. Rumor has it, Paul had a track scholarship but due to an injury he figured it would be prudent not to take the risk. He also competed in wrestling, football and baseball.

Mitt Romney: He has the best chance of relating to the lifestyle of an elite professional athlete. His net worth is estimated to be between $190M and $250M. You know you have a lot of money when the gap between the low end and high end is $60M. Romney did have a successful run as CEO of the Salt Lake Organizing Committee. From all accounts Salt Lake did a great job hosting the 2002 Winter Olympics and Romney gets some credit since he took over after it was determined the previous regime was corrupt.

Tom Tancredo: He taught junior high school before selling out and becoming a politician. A lot of junior high teachers are known to coach so maybe Tancredo did some of that. He is known for his hard-line stance on immigration so you have to figure he is a huge fan of Team USA at the Olympics or any other international competition.

Fred Thompson: After high school he worked nights at a bicycle assembly plant. This isn’t really the same as competing in the Tour de France but what else can you expect from an actor. Thompson had a role in Necessary Roughness (also starring Kathy Ireland, who was in the SI Swimsuit Issue a time or two) and Days of Thunder. Not exactly the makings of a decathlete here.


The Pick: Needless to say this group is much more impressive from an athletic standpoint than the Democrats. I get the impression that some of these guys have actually played sports during their lives. Since The OpinionSmith values winning more than just participating the choice is Ron Paul. He actually won a high school state championship. I love the fact that he knows how to win and that he did it in an individual event. There was no relying on teammates for Paul, just relying on his fast-twitch muscles.

Democratic Hopefuls

The research has been done and consider yourself lucky. I am letting you in on how The OpinionSmith selects candidates from both parties. Without further ado here are the Donkeys.

Joe Biden: What is it with these East Coast lawyer types? Again, no mention of sports which makes voting for him impossible. In his first Senate election he beat J. Caleb Boggs. Wade Boggs, not sure if related, was quite a baseball player and even more of a legend when the liquor cabinet was involved. Biden also worked to pass a bill that made androstenedione illegal. I wonder what “worked” means. Does it mean he voted against it or actually laid some of the groundwork for the bill?

Hillary Clinton: Apparently she participated in tennis and other sports as a kid. Not exactly the most impressive sports resume. She certainly can relate to the career path of a middle reliever having been raised in Illinois and claiming Arkansas, Washington, D.C. and New York as home.

Chris Dodd: Dodd isn’t much of an athlete. If he really is he can thank his Wikipedia page for mentioning his athletic prowess exactly zero times. I really had to connect-the-dots to make mention of sports with this guy. He attended Georgetown Prep in Bethesda, MD. Since it is an all boys school you have to figure the school is a sports power. Since it’s a preppy East Coast school G Prep probably dominates crew, which isn’t all that impressive.

John Edwards: He was a football star in high school, which isn’t a surprise at all. With his charm and good looks you have to figure he was the James Van Der Beek from Varsity Blues at his own school. During his schooling Edwards attended three ACC schools (Clemson, NCSU, UNC). I’m guessing when he talks of two Americas he’s referring to his type (uber-rich) and the ‘poor’ folk he befriended at public universities.

Mike Gravel: Apparently he is a candidate. I saw him at the first debate and thought he was a paid actor trying to make the debate exciting. He drove a taxicab during college so he might be the choice of liberal NASCAR fans. I say fans but would be surprised if it was even a fan.

Dennis Kucinich: He was a third-string varsity quarterback in high school. I admit to respecting his honesty. He could have pulled a Richardson and said he was a Notre Dame recruit. Kucinich is vegan so his disdain for Michael Vick must be as high as anyone else’s. My love for meat (I know this makes me an evil Neanderthal but I have to be honest) makes voting for him unlikely.

Barack Obama: During his much-publicized childhood he spent time in Indonesia and Hawaii. I suppose this means he may have spent some time on a surfboard. He did play basketball in high school and continues to play. Obama claims to be a good poker player but I don’t consider that a sport so it factors very little into whether I pick him. Plus, who doesn’t say they are good at poker? If you have played poker against 3 friends and won the pot you say you are good. Lastly, Obama’s dad is Kenyan. Kenyans are phenomenal distance runners so if Obama decided to quit smoking (not a very athletic thing to do) he may become quite the runner.

Bill Richardson: Like many boys growing up Richardson played baseball in high school. Unlike many boys Richardson was selected in the baseball draft. Well, he said he was drafted. It turns out they keep track of such things and there is no record of a Bill Richardson being drafted. It’s easy to relate to someone that remembers his playing days fondly (though not quite to the level of lying about being drafted) so you might be able to relate to Richardson.


The Pick: The OpinionSmith has to go with Bill Richardson. I love recounting my days as a prep baseball prodigy. I batted .500 senior year (1 for 2) and definitely would have been drafted if I had wanted to be. It’s just that I wanted to move on with life and subject myself to college courses. Other factors that likely explain why I wasn’t drafted were that I peaked in my freshman and sophomore seasons, broke my thumb both years of varsity and was stuck behind someone currently playing AA ball for the Indians.

In The Works

In the next couple of days I will be rolling out my latest investigative work. Since it’s getting close to the presidential primaries it is appropriate for The OpinionSmith to make known its picks. After analyzing the field for both the Republican and Democratic parties I chose one from each that best fits the ideals of The OpinionSmith. It is expected that if you are registered to vote and plan to do so in your state primary that you will choose the candidate recommended.

I looked at the race, not from an issues perspective, but from a sports perspective. My research has shown that some of the candidates have more, and in some cases far more, interests in athletics. For each of the candidates I went to his/her Wikipedia page to get the information. It was impossible to find out if any of these characters had a sporting past or present by looking at official campaign websites. Those sites spent their time on immigration, the economy, foreign relations and other issues that The OpinionSmith doesn’t care about.

It is understood that Wikipedia is not the end all source of factual evidence. For this reason I made sure that the information I used was cited and from a reputable source. I would not recommend going to each of the candidates’ Wikipedia pages unless you are incredibly bored. To save you time I will let you know about the candidates. Let’s see: a childhood of privilege, young adult years spent in prestigious law schools and adulthood selling their souls to their respective political party’s devil. A couple of these candidates do not fit this profile but they are the exception, not the rule. Just thank me for doing the legwork later. In summary, without sports I would have no chance to relate to any of them. Thankfully sports allow me to relate to this bunch so I’ll let you in on what I found in the coming days.

(Photo of White House from Ben's Guide.)