Beautiful People

I was fortunate enough to vacation at Squaw Valley last weekend and decided I would venture down to South Lake Tahoe and watch the celebrity golf tournament. I was only there for a couple of hours but did notice some things. Here are the items I jotted down in my phone as I walked the course:

• First off, I recently moved from Oregon so I am not used to wearing UO gear (I had a black polo with a very small "O" on it, nothing obnoxious) and having people yell "Go Ducks" at me. After not saying anything to the first two people I texted a friend and he told me the appropriate response is to yell it back. That seemed to work so feel free to yell at me if you see me.
• I am sick of Brett Favre so I don't think it was a coincidence that the first golfer I saw hit a driver was Aaron Rodgers. My only response is that the Packers must be confident he controls a football team as well as he pummels the golf ball. Absolutely crushed the ball the one time I saw him swing.
• Someone needs to make sure Gene Upshaw, Director of NFLPA, is not one of the NFL veterans that can't afford medical care. He looked so frail that I am beginning to think all of the talk about current players wanting to fire him is not allowing him to eat and sleep as well as he should.
• I have long felt that Packers fans were the most white trash fans in the NFL. Well, fortunately for the cheeseheads the Steelers faithful have taken that title. There were a couple of fans following Roethlisberger around like he was their best friend. The thing that made me doubt that was that one was wearing a jersey and waving a Terrible Towel. Another one of them had a sleeveless shirt and jorts. Need I say more.
• The bronze medal winning white trash fans are certainly followers of the Cowboys. Romo certainly had a fair number of them following him around. Something about grown men dressing like their five-year-old son at a golf course makes me cringe. And please don't ask, I did not see Romo fall into a pond (wish I would have) or Jessica Simpson (plenty of pretty people in the crowd anyway).
• You could notice a lot of the football players from a couple of fairways over because they walked like they had their shoes on the wrong foot. It really did not look all that comfortable and makes me glad my knees never had to take the stress.
• I saw one of my favorite baseball players growing up, Darryl Strawberry. He was my favorite player when he played for the Dodgers, which was not very long. Unfortunately for me he wore Dodger Blue when I visited the National Baseball Hall of Fame as a kid. So the memento I had to get while there was a Strawberry T-shirt that looked like a baseball card. Picture on the front and stats on the back. Seeing Strawberry in person only made me want to revisit the Hall of Fame even more. There has to be a better souvenir.
• The guys standing next to me as we watched Trent Green tee off were funny guys. They had great commentary for everyone in the gallery and the celebrities. When Green came by one of them commented on Green's propensity for brutal concussions and wondered if Green knew what green he was on. That pun is not nearly as funny in written form a week after the fact but believe me it was worth a laugh at the time.
• Of course I saw Barkley's swing. It was so bad (far worse in person than on TV) I could only watch it once. I am a terrible golfer but if I had seen that even one more time I would have to quit the sport.
• This was not a traditional golf tournament so there were a number of people in the gallery that had no idea what was going on. One lady was standing right next to the 17th tee (par-3 along the lake that is always shown on TV) and would not shut up. She was so excited to see a friend who was a member of the media shooting still photographs. You would think this lady being most excited to see a photog at a celebrity golf tournament would be reason enough to call her the biggest moron of the day. Well, what she had to say as I was trying to avoid her at the 16th green takes the cake. She asked her husband who of the three in the group putting was Marcus Allen (the former NFL running back). That was a legitimate question since his playing partners were Neil Lomax (former QB) and Jeff Feagles (NFL punter). They are painfully white and let's just say Allen isn't. You have to love when women ask stupid sports questions in public. It is as bad as guys asking questions about dress styles at a bridal shower.
• Jim McMahon must have fit in very well at BYU in Provo, UT. When a guy that lived in Eugene for eight years is shocked by an outfit you have to wonder how he made any friends in college. There is something about an orange sherbet top and polka-dot pants that made me look twice.
• Nearly all of the actors in the field were dinky guys. I don't think it was because they were hanging out with athletes either. Greg Kinnear looked to be about the size of my mother-in-law. And for all you smarty pants out there that simply means Kinnear had to have been beaten up in school because he is tiny.
• No surprises here but one of the course volunteers told me John Elway was in one of two groups created for fan appeal. Elway is the greatest quarterback to every play football so the tournament director made a very wise decision.
• Michael Jordan and Ray Allen (part of the other group created for the fans) were wearing Jordan XI golf cleats. For the sneaker folks in the audience that certainly is a bit of news worthy of getting excited about.
• I ended up catching up with Barkley again at a point on the course where the back and front 9s met up. Luckily, I did not see him take a shot because he got sick of a sand trap about 120 yards from the green and decided to quit playing that hole just before I showed up.
• Former major leaguer David Wells did not look as bad as I thought he would. When he was getting paid to be an athlete he resembled a competitive eater so it made sense to me that he would have gained 100 pounds. He actually looked just the same and had the back of his shirt untucked. I guess it goes to show that if you are left-handed you really only need to be worried about that one appendage and you will have a pitching job for many years.
• In Wells' group was one of the greatest college coaches of all time, Lou Holtz. As a lifelong Notre Dame fan it was great seeing the last coach that took them to the promised land. To think that a man the size of Greg Kinnear coached football players is astonishing to me.
• Say what you want about me but the most impressive thing I saw was Jack Wagner. From 20 yards away the soap star is quite an attractive guy. The flowing blond hair and baby face were quite striking. Rarely would I compliment a man for being good looking so you have to figure Wagner had his pick of pretty Tahoe ladies.
• And that takes me to the one thing I learned by walking the course. Beautiful people follow celebrities no matter where they are. Lake Tahoe isn't exactly Siberia but it certainly is not Hollywood. There were a number of beautiful people strolling the course. So you know, the only beautiful male I noticed was Wagner so if you are a woman don't go thinking I am providing this information for your benefit.
• That is about all I saw. Watching famous people do something they are not necessarily good at is not the most exciting thing in the world. I suppose if you subscribe to People and US Weekly something like this would be reason to cry tears of joy. If being around famous people does not really get you too excited then do not go out of your way to go. I did go a bit out of my way and if it weren't for wanting to provide you with an informative blog entry I would have felt I wasted my time.
• You may be wondering how I knew it was time to go. That part was easy. When my boxers started to ride so much that I needed to leave the premises to take care of the discomfort I decided a trip to the parking lot was appropriate.

Fly-Over States

Back in my days as a college student I took a graduate class entitled Mass Media & Society. It was an election year and I tend not to align myself politically with the same people that journalists do so there was animated discourse in class, shall we say. As part of my introduction to the media hoity-toity (not sure if that's a real world but it fits) I learned what a fly-over state was. For those, like myself, that are not civilized it basically refers to the Midwest. Some lady in class introduced me to the term "fly-over states" when she was trying to figure out why some Americans were stupid enough to vote Republican. Meanwhile I was trying to figure out why a 40-something mother was in my graduate class as a student and not an instructor. Anyway, I was slightly caught off guard by her advanced intellectual thought since a large portion my family lives in Iowa.

Let's fast-forward to the present day. Due to a death in the family I recently spent a couple of days in Iowa. I really love the place even if esteemed Journalism Schools across the country disregard it. As an aside, the funniest part is that my entire family in Iowa is blue-blooded Democrat. For most of them "Bush" is the fiercest of the four-letter words. It should come as no surprise that I love my family and therefore Iowa but it is the other people in the Midwest that put a smile on my face.On the way from the church to the cemetery we were a part of about a 15-car processional that meandered through town for a couple of miles. The respect other people showed my grandmother was nothing short of astounding. To our family she was a woman worthy of a national holiday but she really was just a regular lady from Iowa, which makes the reaction our processional received all the more impressive. There were not many people outside but those that were will remain vividly in my memory forever.

One lady stopped mowing her lawn, took off her hat and solemnly watched us all pass. Now that was awesome! Then a little bit later a couple stopped eating lunch on their porch and appeared to pray as we passed by. Throughout the entire drive the policemen leading the processional through town would step out of their patrol cars and put their hats over their hearts at every intersection they blocked.

Maybe these events are run-of-the-mill wherever you go in America but the heart of a person from a fly-over state is different from the rest. No matter your religious or political affiliation, you have to appreciate the respect for life shown by people in a very small Midwestern town. I love you and miss you Grandma. Now do your part and help your beloved Cubbies win the World Series!

The Ultimate Ball Breaker

Well, I was fortunate enough to witness in person Oregon's incredible victory at the Big House over the weekend. It was a lot of fun and well worth having to fly with Northworst Airlines. If you learn one thing from me it should be, Never fly Northworst Airlines! No radio, no televisions, no free snacks, no (insert whatever you would like to have to pass the time on a 4+ hour flight). With all of that being said the one thing I will remember the most from my trip was the characters I was with. In order to protect the identities of the individuals involved in this story I will use generic names, John and Matt. Here goes the story.

The Ducks finished pummeling the Wolverines and we headed back to our hotel after eating at a Mexican restaurant. (The cheese in the quesadilla and the churros were phenomenal.) We arrived at the hotel around 9:30pm and decided to watch some of the LSU vs. Virginia Tech game in the lobby. It was at this time that John decided he was going to head back to Ann Arbor to hang out with a childhood friend. Matt and I wished him well and went up to our respective rooms to watch college football. Honestly, I can't think of anything more fun to celebrate Oregon's biggest road win in a long time than to watch more football! At around 11:00 pm I decided it was time to go to sleep because Matt and I needed to wake up at 9:00 to catch a flight. I do realize 10 hours of sleep after a huge win qualifies me for senior citizen status but I need to have my full allotment of sleep in order to fly. Ironically enough, the guy that went out to party, John, had to wake up at 6:00am or so to catch an earlier flight. Being the college beer pong champion that he is that minor detail had no bearing on when he was going to go to sleep.

I wake up the next morning and made my way down to the lobby at 10:00am to meet up with Matt. I figured out the directions to the rental car drop off and waited for Matt to show. Of course, it's 10 and he is nowhere to be seen so I call him. (Hopefully you have made it to this part of the story because this is where it gets good.)

Matt - "Will they let me fly if I don't have my driver's license?"
Me - "Why don't you have your driver's license?"
Matt - "Well, I think John took my pants with him when he left this morning."
Me - "Are you sure John took your pants and how did you not know that he took your pants?"
Matt - "I have searched the whole room and can't find them. I left them on my bag when I went to sleep."
Me - "Do you have any pants that you can wear to the airport or are those your only ones?"
Matt - "I do have other pants."
Me - "Good, get down to the lobby and we'll figure something out at the airport."

As I waited for Matt in the lobby I was completely dumbfounded. Luckily, it had been established that John did not take the pants off of Matt while he was sleeping. But how could John take Matt's pants that were lying on his bag? When Matt came down he was able to enlighten me.

Apparently John got back to the room around 4:30am and may or may not have been hammered. I'll let you decide. Upon entering the room John began throwing pillows at Matt. John was under the impression Matt was sleeping but he wasn't because John's noisy entrance moments earlier had awoken him. After throwing pillows at Matt, John began to laugh hysterically and decided that was the time to take some photographs of Matt lying in bed with all of the pillows. It was about this time I was beginning to wonder if in fact John took the pants that were on Matt's person given how thrilled he was to turn Matt into a model. Matt assured me that was not the case. At around 6:00am John received a phone call from his ride to the airport wondering where he was. Of course John had slept through his alarm. As an aside, can you sleep through an alarm that you never set because you are too (insert appropriate words for an individual that throws pillows at and takes pictures of other men in bed)? I'll let you ponder that question on your own.

After receiving the wake-up call John proceeded to do what he does best: get angry, lose his temper and use four-letter words. It should come as no surprise that not only did John not wake up but he also needed to pack. At this point, John proceeded to repeatedly use every four-letter word imaginable while throwing whatever he could find in the dark room into his bag. John zipped up his bag and bolted out the door. It was when Matt woke up and started to pack his own bag that he discovered that John left a polo shirt, cell phone charger and who knows what else. However, Matt could not find the pants he wore the day before that had his wallet and keys. Given John's struggle to leave the room hours before, Matt assumed/hoped John had his pants. Matt did wonder though if in his haste to leave John had thrown the pants across the room and the keys and wallet had fallen out and scattered to the far corners of the room. We could not verify the location of Matt's pants because John was already in the air but we had to get to the airport.

When arriving at the airport Matt had to receive a special boarding pass that gave him the right to be manhandled by a security guard. When Matt showed his boarding pass at the security checkpoint he was immediately taken to his own little corner of the room. The entire airport was able to watch as Matt's bag was turned inside out and Matt's body was vigorously patted. As I waited for Matt I sent John a text simply saying, "No one has broken someone's balls more than you. the whole aiport just watched matt get cavity searched." The thought of someone being so drunk (or tired if you were to ask John) that he packs clothes placed on someone else's bag, leaves some of his own things and takes the wallet of someone that could use it to get through security got me through the Northworst flight. After initially claiming that he should not be blamed for taking Matt's pants, John finally fessed up to being a moron and making the trip to Michigan all that much better.

(Photo from Tony Ding/AP Photo.)

On Location: Alaska

Not sure anyone is reading this blog since I am on a cruise with the family members that I know read it. Alaska is very pretty, but I have not had much interaction with the sports world to produce a quality post. There was an incident yesterday however that was entertaining.

I was in a jacuzzi with family members and noticed a girl running on the running track above at a quick rate. We told a cousin that is single he should go up there and run with her. He declined saying he had seen her before and thought she was 13. From our vantage point we thought she could be 17 or 18. Anyway, that is not the interesting part. This girl was dressed like a big-time runner and running at a speed rarely seen for girls on cruise ships. This is not a knock on girls it is a knock on the speed of grandmas walking around the boat.

There was either a dad or coach (likely both) intently watching her and yelling at her to go faster as she was across the boat. All of us in the jacuzzi immediately thought he was one of those over-the-top dads. This girl was on vacation and dad/coach was as serious as any coach I will see in Eugene next summer at the Trials. I'm not sure if that is healthy parenting. Oh yeah, the dad helped her with her stretches. Some of which I had never seen before. My only guess for why this dad/coach was intent on making his daughter run, and run faster, was because he wants his daughter to be able to run at the University of Oregon. (There has not been clarification if this girl will be entering college in 5 years or 1 year. Trying to get the younger cousins to clarify that.) The Ducks only accept the elite and that appeared to be the level the dad/wanted for his daughter.

Weekend Recap

This was an excellent weekend as the weather turned out great in San Diego. My wife dominated the Rock'n'Roll Marathon and finished in a tie for 13,338th place (over 20,000 runners participated). Her uncle also dominated by qualifying for the Boston Marathon. All in all the race was an awesome experience. If there was one complaint it was that the trolley service downtown was atrocious. This resulted in my in-laws (mom, dad and brother) and I walking/running about 14 miles on the day. This distance is confirmed by a pedometer I picked up at the marathon expo the day before the race.


Some interesting things happened in the world of sports while I was away.

1. LeBron James saved the NBA with help from Daniel Gibson. We now know with certainty that more than 30 people will watch the Finals. I could not have said that with as much certainty if the Pistons had won.

2. Billy Donovan's NBA coaching career can only be described as an unmatched success. He did not lose any games and did not have a single player revolt. However, he was seen crying only days after signing a $27.5M contract, which cannot be a good thing.

3. The Chicago Cubs are the worst team in MLB. Wait, I take that back. The Cincinnati Reds are the worst team in MLB. Hell, I don't know which team it is but I do know they will be battling valiantly for that title up until October.

4. The Oregon State Beavers are making an attempt at back-to-back titles. After a comeback today they are needing a victory on Tuesday to keep the dream alive. As the only Pac-10 baseball team in the state of Oregon I am left to root for them as if they were my own. Yes that's right, the Oregon Ducks do not have a baseball team. Please contact your Senator to complain.

5. Keeping on the alma mater baseball theme. My high school's baseball team completed a three-peat. It's sad to think the team must have been in 5th grade when I last played.

5. Danica Patrick has won the same number of IRL races as I. In my defense I have never actually started a race. I do not know what her's is. Next time her car is bumped by a former Indy 500 Champion I suggest she walk to the garage with grace and finish in the middle of the pack next time.

6. And finally, the Anaheim Mighty Ducks of Orange County California have taken a 3-1 lead. Who cares!?

On Location

I am in San Diego to support my beautiful wife as she runs the San Diego Rock'n'Roll Marathon. The race is on Sunday and things are looking good for at least one Smith to finish. A great time with family and friends is also expected. Raise your hand if you think as a resident of Oregon I am going to San Diego to escape the heat. Didn't think anyone was going to raise a hand. Oddly enough, this is the second time in three weeks that I am heading to San Diego for temperatures 15-20 degrees less than home.

(Photo from Point Loma Nazerene University.)