Friday, June 8, 2007

The 6 Minute Finals

I brought myself to watch 6 minutes of the NBA Finals yesterday. Unless LeBron James can get his team within one game of winning the thing I am certain that will be the only 6 minutes for me. In fact, I watched a little bit more than that because I saw the introductions. The crazy part is that I thought the Spurs were boring. Did anyone else hear the PA announcer? That guy had the personality of a doorknob. In fact, I have been to mass with 85-year-old priests who have shown more emotion than that guy.

It has long been my belief that the San Antonio Spurs are incredibly boring. As I see it they are a really good women's basketball team. What separates them from women's basketball teams is that they actually are fundamentally sound and can go multiple possessions in a row without turning it over. I'm not taking time out of my day to watch fundamentals. It also bothers me that Manu Jablowme thinks an American basketball court is an acceptable place for soccer flops and overacting. I find it offensive to the basketball culture I came to love in the 1990s. Charles Barkley did not make controversial commercials so that 15 years later some Argentine would bring soccer shenanigans to the NBA.

You know the Finals are a disaster when the #2 storyline is some Frenchie marrying a Desperate Housewife. In the 6 minutes that I watched I saw Eva Longoria two or three times. I would much rather see Parker writhing in pain under the basket than her. The announcers thought they were hilarious by making marriage related puns. Those puns really aren't funny. I expect to hear such commentary from local high school sports guys on cable access channels. Which brings me to the announcers. Mark Jackson? Please quit talking like you are in the huddle during a timeout. Give me some actual analysis I couldn't get from a 4th grader playing organized basketball for the first time. Mike Breen? Come one, he was NBC's 9th-string NBA guy way back when. Wow, the quality of the Finals has plummeted.

As it stands now I will spend the next couple of weeks following the College Baseball World Series with the hope that the OSU Beavers continue their winning ways. At some point, the big timers at UO will have to bring baseball back if that happens. Keep me posted if the Finals become interesting.

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