Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Just A Regular Person

When I see a YouTube clip that is too good to pass up I need to share it with you. Let me be very clear that this posting in no way supports any candidate. In fact, I am certain I would not vote for any of the candidates involved in the primary the candidate shown below is competing in. By way of Politico I present to you the candidate who has been railing on Barack Obama for being too elitist and out-of-touch with common folk.

Note: There is not a single presidential candidate with a legitimate chance of winning that is not elitist. I do not care what college, high school or preschool he/she attended. For the stuffed suits of any party to consider a person for the candidacy he/she has to be an elite pompous sell-out, not just a pompous sell-out.

I Need A Doctor's Note

Here in the great Northwest we have a softball story that is getting a lot of publicity. I have seen an article here, here and here. Let me be clear, I have seen them but have not yet read any of them. (This likely means I am missing some key facts but what good are facts when you have something good to say.) The reason I know about any of this is that I saw it on SportsCenter of all places this afternoon. Throughout the day I had seen the above links and now I am glad I did not read them. I think it is great that a girl hit a home run and somehow managed to blowout her knee. Well, the home run part is great at least. The problem with this story is that it seems more outlandish than any of the Hall of Famers dating middle and high school girls stories (see Malone, Karl and Clemens, Roger). There are two main points that give me pause:

  1. This point is painfully obvious: How does a girl blowout her knee hitting a home run? I am not a doctor but as far as I can tell knees are blown out when extreme force is placed on a knee. Having played baseball throughout my entire childhood I can assure you swinging a bat does not really seem to fall into that category. Maybe it does when you swing really hard, miss the ball and spin around a few times but this girl did hit a home run. Given that, I have to assume she did make contact with a ball. Plus, in the limited softball I have seen I have never seen a girl swing a bat and think, “Wow, that was an incredibly powerful cut!” Come on, the stars of the team are the ones that are running while swinging. The more I delve into this the more I find it hard to believe a girl tore up her knee hitting a home run.
  2. Let’s pretend I am able to move beyond the fact that the girl tore her knee. You are to tell me she could not walk the bases with a torn ACL. I witnessed with my own eyes in the worst city in America (Tucson, AZ) a quarterback run 50 yards or so for a touchdown in a Division-1A football game with a partially torn ACL. I also saw him walk around, very gingerly, for the rest of the game on the sidelines. Then another story that I am reminded of is of a girl that played softball at the UO. I do not know her name but a couple of years ago a girl played the season with a torn ACL. It was at that time that I determined softball was not a sport. (For all of you out there wondering how I define a sport that is how I define it.) If a girl is able to play the field and bat with a torn ACL then someone can walk the bases after hitting a home run.

In conclusion, it is great that the other team carried her around the bases but I think it was all an act. The story just does not add up for me. I do not believe that she could have torn the ACL hitting a home run and I have seen people do far more than walk the bases after suffering a similar injury. I commend all of the girls for doing such a wonderful job of acting. In the end they get their 15 minutes of fame. As I sign off I realize that the part of the story that may bother me the most is that the opposing team’s idea of sportsmanship makes me want to puke.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

I'm Back

It has been a while since I posted but I have had a difficult time trying to figure out a schedule with a new addition to the family. I figured a good way to get back on the saddle would be to detail the trip to the grocery store that confirmed my status as a new dad.

My wife has not been outside the house much since the birth, mainly because the weather has sucked. It has been a few weeks since my mother-in-law was in town so the inventory of some "items" were running low. I was headed to the store so what's another item to pick up? My wife informs me of the style of the "item" and says it does not matter what brand it is. So I head off to work for the day and spend the day figuring out how I am going to get the "items" without embarrassing myself. As I leave work, I feel good about my plan and drive to the store.

I walk in the store like I am on a mission. I stop by the produce area and pick up some fruit. Then I venture to the bread aisle for some bagels and go back to the cheese area for some cream cheese. Things were going very smoothly and I was starting to feel good about buying the "items." Part of my plan was to walk at a brisk pace so no one thinks I am lost or confused. That all stopped when I tried to find the aisle containing the "items". I felt like Pac-Man towards the end of a level when all of the ghost-like things are closing in on him. I started in the women's make-up and haircare aisle. No luck. I then venture to the pharmacy and nearly sprint down the aisles. No luck. So as the ghost-like things are getting very close I kind of panic. I furiously scanned the signs above the aisles for something that would resemble "women's items". In an effort to get away from the front of the store and rethink my plan I storm down the diapers aisle so I can look lost at the back of the store.

Much to my surprise the "items" were in this aisle. Who is the genius that decides it should be labeled "Incontinence" on the aisle sign? I have never heard of the word and am frightened to look up what it means. As a service to all future husbands I believe this is a term that needs to be discussed in marriage counseling. Heaven forbid they call it "chick stuff" to help us out a little. Now that I have stumbled upon the "items" I have to find the requested style. Come to find out I have no problem finding the style but there are at least 34 brands and that is when I nearly aborted the mission.

I'll admit to being completely overwhelmed and the fact that I think I heard women at the end of the aisle gossiping about my presence in their aisle did not help matters. I then just grabbed a random brand in the requested style and jammed to the self-checkout line. There was no way I was going to have one of the chatty Kathy checkout ladies try to strike up a conversation with me. I needed to get out of there fast. The checkout process was uneventful and I proceeded home to plead with my wife to give me a specific brand next time. I am a nice enough guy to go out and buy these "items" again but I need to have the possible choices narrowed significantly from 300.