Beijing 2008 Will Be Awesome

Disclaimer: If anyone from the vaunted Chinese government is reading this know that it is a parody and not the true feelings of the writer of this blog. China is a great country and I hope to one day live there so that my future children can experience dry weather and whatever else the smartest civilization ever is able to come up with.

I realize I am behind the times but I'm not a big fan of the Chinese. Everyone likes to brag about their emerging economy and billions of people but that is not enough for me to think the future of the world is in their hands and I should bow down to them. A lot of things they do bother me but what I read today has to take the cake. They have decided they can control the weather and are sending missiles into clouds to ensure no rain. Repeat after me, MORONS! This is yet another action in a long line of them that will ensure the Chinese host the greatest Olympics ever.

Well, contrary to most people's opinions I think their Olympics are going to suck. Since the day they were awarded the Olympics I've thought it was a bad idea. My sister was in China when it was announced so at least I didn't need to act like I was happy when the news was broken like she did or risk being harmed. It still boggles my mind that the IOC granted China the Summer Games. In order to put on a nice show when the voting was being held they cleaned up by destroying shanties and displacing poorer people. I'm certain other things happened but I'd rather not find those out. The government's treatment of certain people isn't the greatest, yet because it is a place with a bright economic future the IOC decides to award them the Olympics. (Check out Amnesty International's website if you think I'm making things up. I'm in no way advocating for Amnesty International. I have no idea if I agree with what their political agenda, if there is one, but at first glance they seem legit.) This may be extreme but if enough "smart" people convince the IOC that Darfur is an emerging market, in the next 15 years the IOC may decide to put the Summer Games there too.

The other thing that really chaps my hide is that the Chinese government doesn't care at all about knock-off products. If you want to find fake Nikes, golf clubs or anything else of value China is the place for you. (This BusinessWeek article is a bit dated but I remember it from college and it applies.) Piracy has always made me mad and when an entire country supports it I can't stand it. I realize I should relax because this is all in the name of "emerging markets" so everything is okay.

They can build the greatest venues with the newest technologies but I'm not going to be impressed. My greatest hope for the Olympics is that the Americans sweep the men's 110 high hurdles. I won't like the fact that Liu Xiang will disappear from the face of the earth but more American medals is fine with me. Watch out for an inflated medal count from the host country due to a small factory staffed by children producing fake medals. The only chance they have of making a serious run at the top of the medal count is having their women's swim team compete in the men's weightlifting events. And one last thing, the Chinese men's basketball team is going to be an embarrassment to the sport.

(Photo from Greg Baker/AP.)