Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Pet Happenings

It has been a few months since I railed on pets so I figure some words in that direction are due. It is about time the plight of the people that dislike pets gets more attention. Especially during an election year. Everyone else (no matter how lame their cause is, this one included) gets their voice heard. I may have left off with a black cat trying to challenge my authority as man of my house. Nothing quite that exciting has happened but the audacity of pet owners sure does pop up every now and then. Let’s see:

1. Back when our front yard was full of leaves I took it upon myself to rake the leaves. What a guy I am. Well, when I started some guy walked by with his dog and we exchanged hellos. Then about 30 minutes later he walks by again. Only this time he stops and so does his dog. And the dog does more than just stops, it takes a deuce. The dog owner thinks because it is dusk and because I am a champion raker of leaves that I didn’t even notice. I did and was appalled. Who in his/her right mind thinks its okay to let a dog poop in someone else’s lawn and not pick it up? Especially in a part of the lawn that I have yet to rake. So you know, as one who does not have/like pets I am offended by dogs pooping in my lawn even if it is picked up. Yet another story of jerk pet owners thinking they are special because they have taught their dog how to walk in a straight line. What an accomplishment! Have you thought about how much of a screw up your own kids are?

2. To show my softer side I will share the story of the dog that lives in the yard behind ours. Back when my wife first became pregnant and was sick far too much the neighbor dog found it enjoyable to bark all of the time. I suspect it barked when the owners were not home, which was from 8am to 5 pm, give or take a few minutes. I finally got sick and tired of the dog barking and decided to peak my head over the fence. It was a rainy day (one of the only ones in Eugene in the last 6 months if any football recruits are reading this) so I quickly ran outside and yelled at the dog in a very stern voice. The dog immediately obeyed but I felt sorry for it. It was tied to a stake in the middle of the yard under no tree or anything, just open to the rain. Again, it never rains in Eugene so I thought it sucked that the dog had to be wet for one afternoon. Needless to say I have never heard the dog bark again so I figured it only responds to stern words and it made me kind of sad, but not for too long.

3. I enjoy running and dislike dogs so you can imagine I have a grand time running around Eugene. Well, a few weeks ago I’m running along the river and some middle-aged new age-type guy is walking a pack of dogs. Okay, maybe two large dogs isn’t a pack but they were big. Neither of these dogs was on a leash though that rule is clearly stated on signs around the park. No one follows this rule so it is not as if he is alone in this practice. I mean come on with all of the transients in Eugene (again, if a recruit is reading this don’t think there are a lot of homeless people in Eugene even if there is) there are more important things to look out for. Who am I fooling; no one regulates anything around here. Back to the dogs, basically I had to dodge these dogs all around the trail. Mind you, there was a mulch trail 10 feet away but Mr. New Age Guy had to let his dogs roam the blacktop trail. How would he like it if I bothered him while he was campaigning for Ralph Nader by driving off the road and running him over?

4. This last little story takes the cake. My disdain for pompous pet owners has reached a new level. We live near a rather busy intersection, which sucks for a variety of reasons but I would have never thought of this one. Over the weekend some classy Eugene resident decided our trash can was the proper place to dispose of his dog’s 3-pound dump. I suspect it was a German Shepard but that it a total guess in the dark. Imagine my surprise when I opened the garbage to find that. I don’t need anyone telling me about the garbage stinking when I have a kid (it is not the same thing, when will pet owners get over the fact that dogs are not humans?) or it is better to have the poop in my garbage than on leaves. The only thing I distaste more than pets are the people that put them in sweaters and parade them around town as if they are contributing members of society.

5. FYI - A friend of mine told me today that he saw a lady walking a sheep near the hospital. This is not a joke and I believe his story. Not even the most creative of characters could come up with something like that. In an effort to be a great journalist I need a couple of more sources before I type up anything about this for others to read. Can anyone confirm this and if so do you have the number to U-Haul or any other company that can assist me in moving?

That is all I have about pets for now. I suspect I will only get more and more annoyed by pets and the privilege they live in this town once my kid starts going to school. That is if the schools suck, I don’t even know if they do but I do know some parents who lead the PTA around town are a little rough around the edges!


CoolDude said...

Did you know there is a Pet Loss Support group in Portland? This weekend they are having their Pet Fashion Show fundraiser. Would you like a couple of tickets?

elmazz said...

Of all the articles that you write , to stick the knife in my back in the last sentence of an article about for the most part dog shit. JM where is the love?

As for the dog owners that think they are invisible, they must think that right? Why else would they let their dogs shit on other peoples property. Maybe that is just because we live in Eugene... Do what I do, just go to their home in the middle of the day on a weekend when you know they are home and place the shit that their dog left on your lawn on their doorstep. It works! Their dog will never shit in your yard again.

I may be a bit rough around the edges but I CAN take care of business!

boothjockey said...

I was running on Pre's trail tonight and ran by a guy wearing an Oregon State baseball t-shirt who was running with his German Sheppard. If I didn't already know what you look like, I would have sworn it was you.