Wednesday, May 30, 2007

My Archnemesis

It has only taken one day but I am venturing out of the sports world. I apologize for doing this but I have to get something off my chest that has been bothering me. Many people know that pets are not my favorite things in the world. I could go into great detail on my stance on pets but most people would find them offensive.

As it stands now the biggest problem in my life is a renegade black cat in the neighborhood. Since I hear a metal jingle when I see the thing I assume it does have an owner. However, this owner is horrendous. I don't have pets so I don't want to see any gallivanting in my yard but this black cat does. Would a pet owner please explain to me why it is acceptable to have an animal roaming the neighborhood as opposed to remaining around its home? I find it disrespectful and rude.

Now this cat spent over a month living in our shed and when I found out it had taken residence in there I freaked. I used golf balls, a rake and a hose to get it out of there. (Relax, no harm was done to the cat.) When all was said and done I was more afraid of the cat than the cat was of me so don't feel sorry for the transient cat.

I was under the impression I had scared the cat off but that does not appear to be the case. In fact, I just had a stare down with it as I went to the mailbox. There was no nice pet talk from me just squinting eyes and heavy breathing. The little rascal was doing the same on the trunk of someone's car. Who knows if it was the owner's car because the owner is an obvious deadbeat and should be punished for pathetic pet ownership techniques.

In the month since the cat was evicted from our shed I had started to relax then I woke up this morning. First, some background so my anger makes more sense though it probably won't for the gazillion pet lovers out there. We have a nice, little, black 4-door car that resides in the driveway. On Monday I washed it for only the third time in its history. (We have had it for nearly 2 years.) Obviously I am not an anal car owner but when I take the time to wash the car I expect long-lasting results. Instead, this morning there were countless paw prints all over the roof, windshield and hood.

It infuriates me to no end. Some lackey owns a cat and does not care what it does. That is my primary beef with pets. The pet owners are so pompous. They believe everyone in the world wants to take part in their pets' lives. That is complete nonsense. I want nothing to do with the cat or any other pet for that matter that takes up residence in or around my house. Someone needs to lead a revolution in reigning in the rights of pets. An entity needs to be created or a current one should partner in the revolution (perhaps the local pound) and assist people in eliminating neighborhood cats that are overstepping their boundaries.

1 comment:

Dan said...

You need to warn people reading your blogs to do so at their own risk. It is never enjoyable having milk, soda or any other liquid for the matter, exit through ones nose.

Your experience with one said cat happens to be a regular occurance in my sad life of a spouse of the number one pet lover known to man. I have no real solution to your dilema, however, an uncle of your wife's would be more then happy to rectify the situation, as he has major experience in the "elimination" of feline critters. Uncle Mike, or the cat wrangler, as he is sometimes called, has been known to "eliminate" up to 14 felines at one sitting.

I too, do not want the SPCA to come knocking on anyones door, so lets just say they were wild, wild cats with viscous dispositions, that were out to maim a loving relative. Also, that being said each and ever cat that was "displaced" did not feel a thing.

Feel free to give the cat wrangler a call should you continue to have a problem with said cat, he would be more then happy to take care of the problem, at no expense to you, as I believe he really enjoys the work.