Her Act Is Getting Old

Anyone that knows me realizes there are a plethora of athletes that I do not like. Generally, my dislike is a result of two things: the team the player plays for or being vastly overrated. In the case of Danica Patrick she falls into the second category. She has received attention for simply being a girl and for no other reason. It only took her 50 tries to actually win a race in a circuit that has not had very many competitors during her tenure. As far as I can tell she thinks that because she is the prettiest driver that she should get special treatment. Someone should let her know that being the prettiest race car driver is about as impressive as being the fastest placekick holder.

In addition to not being very good it appears that Patrick has Napoleonic Complex. If I'm not mistaken she got after a male driver because she got in a wreck earlier this year. I admit to not being the biggest race car fan but even I know there is a decent chance of wrecks when driving 200 mph and maintaining all of 2.64 inches of clearance between other cars. Then Patrick goes and wins a race in Japan a little while ago. Again, car racing is not my thing but I have never known people getting too excited about a race in Japan. If she was nearly as hot as she thinks she is the tape-delayed ratings for the race would have been greater than 0.00043, which translates into about three viewers.

All of this brings us to yesterday when she decides to go off on another driver by going over to her pit and calling her out for being too slow in practice. My new favorite driver, no idea what her name is, went on to throw a towel in Patrick's face two times within one minute. Only Danica Patrick would think it is a good idea to act like a jerk and then try to explain it away on TV today by saying she simply wanted to talk to the other driver. Who taught Patrick that it is appropriate to be really overrated and act like a buffoon at the same time? It must be a complete joy to be married to her. Nothing about her suggests she would give her husband a curfew, bedtime and allowance. Just a real sweetheart I am sure.

On a related note, someone should have told Patrick that her showing up in the front row of the ESPYS was a bad idea. My Gold Glove performance in left field at Kloss Field #2 on Friday night had a better chance of winning an award than anything she did last year.

More Job Security

Sometimes you have to wonder if smart people run college athletics. Imagine this scenario in the real world. A manager leads a group of people to great success one year. Then the next year he leads nearly the exact same group with another year of experience to considerably less success. Those people that led the group the last two years have no other option but to leave so the manager is starting with an entirely new group this upcoming year. Recent history suggests this manager takes a few years to achieve any type of success with a young group. Would that manager get a contract extension and raise in the business world? I seriously have my doubts.

Well, if my Internet is working correctly it appears the UO has done just that with the men's basketball coach. All of the followers of this coach may counter that adding a year does nothing except make it easier to recruit. If that is so, why in the world did the UO decide to increase the buyout? Good luck to whoever has to live with that decision. Paying the debt service on a new arena with a team that is good every now and then and a coach that puts together an abomination of a home non-conference schedule shouldn't be too hard.

Beautiful People

I was fortunate enough to vacation at Squaw Valley last weekend and decided I would venture down to South Lake Tahoe and watch the celebrity golf tournament. I was only there for a couple of hours but did notice some things. Here are the items I jotted down in my phone as I walked the course:

• First off, I recently moved from Oregon so I am not used to wearing UO gear (I had a black polo with a very small "O" on it, nothing obnoxious) and having people yell "Go Ducks" at me. After not saying anything to the first two people I texted a friend and he told me the appropriate response is to yell it back. That seemed to work so feel free to yell at me if you see me.
• I am sick of Brett Favre so I don't think it was a coincidence that the first golfer I saw hit a driver was Aaron Rodgers. My only response is that the Packers must be confident he controls a football team as well as he pummels the golf ball. Absolutely crushed the ball the one time I saw him swing.
• Someone needs to make sure Gene Upshaw, Director of NFLPA, is not one of the NFL veterans that can't afford medical care. He looked so frail that I am beginning to think all of the talk about current players wanting to fire him is not allowing him to eat and sleep as well as he should.
• I have long felt that Packers fans were the most white trash fans in the NFL. Well, fortunately for the cheeseheads the Steelers faithful have taken that title. There were a couple of fans following Roethlisberger around like he was their best friend. The thing that made me doubt that was that one was wearing a jersey and waving a Terrible Towel. Another one of them had a sleeveless shirt and jorts. Need I say more.
• The bronze medal winning white trash fans are certainly followers of the Cowboys. Romo certainly had a fair number of them following him around. Something about grown men dressing like their five-year-old son at a golf course makes me cringe. And please don't ask, I did not see Romo fall into a pond (wish I would have) or Jessica Simpson (plenty of pretty people in the crowd anyway).
• You could notice a lot of the football players from a couple of fairways over because they walked like they had their shoes on the wrong foot. It really did not look all that comfortable and makes me glad my knees never had to take the stress.
• I saw one of my favorite baseball players growing up, Darryl Strawberry. He was my favorite player when he played for the Dodgers, which was not very long. Unfortunately for me he wore Dodger Blue when I visited the National Baseball Hall of Fame as a kid. So the memento I had to get while there was a Strawberry T-shirt that looked like a baseball card. Picture on the front and stats on the back. Seeing Strawberry in person only made me want to revisit the Hall of Fame even more. There has to be a better souvenir.
• The guys standing next to me as we watched Trent Green tee off were funny guys. They had great commentary for everyone in the gallery and the celebrities. When Green came by one of them commented on Green's propensity for brutal concussions and wondered if Green knew what green he was on. That pun is not nearly as funny in written form a week after the fact but believe me it was worth a laugh at the time.
• Of course I saw Barkley's swing. It was so bad (far worse in person than on TV) I could only watch it once. I am a terrible golfer but if I had seen that even one more time I would have to quit the sport.
• This was not a traditional golf tournament so there were a number of people in the gallery that had no idea what was going on. One lady was standing right next to the 17th tee (par-3 along the lake that is always shown on TV) and would not shut up. She was so excited to see a friend who was a member of the media shooting still photographs. You would think this lady being most excited to see a photog at a celebrity golf tournament would be reason enough to call her the biggest moron of the day. Well, what she had to say as I was trying to avoid her at the 16th green takes the cake. She asked her husband who of the three in the group putting was Marcus Allen (the former NFL running back). That was a legitimate question since his playing partners were Neil Lomax (former QB) and Jeff Feagles (NFL punter). They are painfully white and let's just say Allen isn't. You have to love when women ask stupid sports questions in public. It is as bad as guys asking questions about dress styles at a bridal shower.
• Jim McMahon must have fit in very well at BYU in Provo, UT. When a guy that lived in Eugene for eight years is shocked by an outfit you have to wonder how he made any friends in college. There is something about an orange sherbet top and polka-dot pants that made me look twice.
• Nearly all of the actors in the field were dinky guys. I don't think it was because they were hanging out with athletes either. Greg Kinnear looked to be about the size of my mother-in-law. And for all you smarty pants out there that simply means Kinnear had to have been beaten up in school because he is tiny.
• No surprises here but one of the course volunteers told me John Elway was in one of two groups created for fan appeal. Elway is the greatest quarterback to every play football so the tournament director made a very wise decision.
• Michael Jordan and Ray Allen (part of the other group created for the fans) were wearing Jordan XI golf cleats. For the sneaker folks in the audience that certainly is a bit of news worthy of getting excited about.
• I ended up catching up with Barkley again at a point on the course where the back and front 9s met up. Luckily, I did not see him take a shot because he got sick of a sand trap about 120 yards from the green and decided to quit playing that hole just before I showed up.
• Former major leaguer David Wells did not look as bad as I thought he would. When he was getting paid to be an athlete he resembled a competitive eater so it made sense to me that he would have gained 100 pounds. He actually looked just the same and had the back of his shirt untucked. I guess it goes to show that if you are left-handed you really only need to be worried about that one appendage and you will have a pitching job for many years.
• In Wells' group was one of the greatest college coaches of all time, Lou Holtz. As a lifelong Notre Dame fan it was great seeing the last coach that took them to the promised land. To think that a man the size of Greg Kinnear coached football players is astonishing to me.
• Say what you want about me but the most impressive thing I saw was Jack Wagner. From 20 yards away the soap star is quite an attractive guy. The flowing blond hair and baby face were quite striking. Rarely would I compliment a man for being good looking so you have to figure Wagner had his pick of pretty Tahoe ladies.
• And that takes me to the one thing I learned by walking the course. Beautiful people follow celebrities no matter where they are. Lake Tahoe isn't exactly Siberia but it certainly is not Hollywood. There were a number of beautiful people strolling the course. So you know, the only beautiful male I noticed was Wagner so if you are a woman don't go thinking I am providing this information for your benefit.
• That is about all I saw. Watching famous people do something they are not necessarily good at is not the most exciting thing in the world. I suppose if you subscribe to People and US Weekly something like this would be reason to cry tears of joy. If being around famous people does not really get you too excited then do not go out of your way to go. I did go a bit out of my way and if it weren't for wanting to provide you with an informative blog entry I would have felt I wasted my time.
• You may be wondering how I knew it was time to go. That part was easy. When my boxers started to ride so much that I needed to leave the premises to take care of the discomfort I decided a trip to the parking lot was appropriate.

An All-Star Performance

I hate to embarrass people that are far better than I at a sport I played for my entire childhood but Dan Uggla deserves it. The game is no over (only the top of the 15th) but he has had an unforgettable night. Rarely does someone play in an All-Star Game long enough to pull off the double that Uggla has tonight. To this point he has three errors and three strikeouts. His errors were brutal. If I did not know any better I would guess he is a DH but since he plays in the National League I am left to assume he actually plays second base on a regular basis. As for the strikeouts, I do not think he has swung at a single pitch that was actually in the strike zone. Luckily for Uggla (oddly enough "uggla" is norwegian for "ugly") he came in the game in the 6th or 7th inning so much of the country has been asleep for his unprecedented performance.

(Photo from NL Beast.)

Jeter Is Bush League

Anyone with a brain realizes Derek Jeter is a fabrication of the media. There is no need for me to delve further into this because those people that allow the media to dictate what they believe cannot be convinced of the truth. Tonight's All-Star Game was an excellent example of Jeter's incompetence. A review of his night at the plate resembles a typical night for "the great one."

In his first at-bat he slapped the ball (If you did not see it picture a 10-year-old girl playing softball) to 2nd base and Chase Utley misplayed it. In any other stadium or uniform Jeter would not have been credited with a hit but of course tonight he was. If you think I am being tough on the perfume-wearing shortstop then take a look at Dan Uggla's third error of the night in the bottom of the 13th. In Jeter's second at-bat with runners on he hit a tailor-made double play ball to shortstop. If I hit infield practice to a high school team for an entire season I would never be able to give the shortstop such a perfect ball to practice starting a double play. Then in his 3rd at-bat Jeter decided to pull off his signature move: a one-hopper to the pitcher. I have never been able to figure out how someone could be considered clutch for hitting very weak grounders up the middle. When I do that in summer softball games I get ridiculed by my teammates and rightfully so.

What really set me off tonight was a simple replay shown in the 6th inning. The announcers said nothing about it but that does not surprise me. Hanley Ramirez, without question baseball's best shortstop and it is not even close, was on first. Chase Utley hit a ball down the right-field line and as Ramirez was rounding second base Jeter went to second base acting like he was going to receive the ball to turn a double play. Since Ramirez is older than six he was not tricked but it showed the true Jeter. Contrary to what the media wants you to believe I am convinced Jeter is totally classless. He is all about himself and would be the friend that would not think twice about sleeping with your girlfriend/wife. Stay classy Jeter, all of the pathetic people that think the media is objective will make sure your image remains pristine.

Yankee Stadium Made The Babe

I have watched nearly every pitch of the marathon All-Star Game, which is in the 13th inning as I type. There have been more mentions of Yankee Stadium than outs in the game. I get that the stadium is old and the Yankees have played their home games in it but is it really that big of a deal that it is closing? Furthermore, does Joe Buck have to mention every 7th pitch that the stadium is closing after this year. I kid you not, my wife commented that she is sick and tired of hearing about this being the last season. She has watched no more than two innings of the game. Joe Buck has been jabbering so much about the archaic structure that I am beginning to think that the inanimate building is the reason that Babe Ruth exists and not the other way around.

Just because it is the home stadium for one of two teams that the media cares to talk about does not mean we have to talk about it incessantly. We are all smart enough to deduce that if Yankee Stadium is closing at the end of this year, this is the final All-Star Game being played there. Perhaps some of my anger directed at the blabber about this being the last year is that I am jealous. As an Oregon alum I have long wished the men's basketball were consistent enough that folks would decide a new arena is in order. It seems like it will happen but I'll believe it when the hippies get out of the way and let the structure be built.

NBA Draft '08

I freely admit that I just wasted five hours of my life. They are hours I will never get back and it is a bit frustrating but I have to live with it. Watching drafts on TV are always dangerous for me. I want to watch the beginning and then I end up watching it all. It never seems to fail. It seems my biggest problem is that I picked the wrong school for college. Whether it be the NBA or NFL I am always interested in seeing guys from Oregon get picked. More often than not Oregon guys are perfect late round picks in the NFL or very late picks in the NBA. Oh well. It was awesome to see Maarty Leunen get drafted. Having gotten to know him just a bit over the last couple of years I can say that he is a really good guy and someone that will not embarrass my alma mater (see Smith, Onterrio). I did have some other thoughts on the draft too:

1. Why Euro?: Even David Stern gets things right every now and then. The decision to eliminate flopping was a brilliant one. Provided the rule is enforced I find no reason to consider drafting a non-American. Since so many Euros were drafted I am left to assume the non-flopping edict will not stick. There is no other reason to pick a soft, skinny and pathetic Euro player. Their one asset is to act like a soccer player on the hardwood.

2. Blazers Domination: Once again the Blazers took over on draft night. I had a friend earlier in the day tell me the Blazers needed to get Jerryd Bayless and I agreed. It was unfortunate to see him get picked just before the Blazers picked but lo and behold he will be wearing red and black. It was a great trade for the Blazers and only makes me more certain that they will be taking part in a parade within four years.

3. Long-Term Foolishness: Not to beat a dead horse here but drafting Euros makes no sense to me at all for another reason. One of the excuses for drafting them is that they do not take up a roster spot and cap money while playing in Europe. Plus, they get a chance to play against other bums in Europe perfecting the flop, which means they may be good enough to bring over here in a few years as long as the dollar does not become so worthless that playing in Siberia is more lucrative than New York City. The biggest problem with this theory is that the coaches and general managers that draft these guys for the future will likely be fired by the time they have mastered the flop. Now am I the only one that thinks that makes no sense?

4. Biggest Bust: I found that this draft had about seven players worth anything. Ironically enough they were just about all from the Pac-10. This fact also makes me feel like more of an idiot for watching so many future NBDL journeymen get drafted. Basically, the point is that I foresee a number of the players from this draft doing nothing substantial in their careers. Having done very little myself since college I can't really knock them too much. With all of that I am proclaiming O.J. Mayo to be the biggest bust in a draft full of busts. I saw him play at USC and was not impressed at all.

5. 2009 Rookie of the Year: In a draft full of weak players it is easy to predict that next year's rookie of the year will be Greg Oden. No explanation is necessary. Start etching his name in an elegant font right now and I will hand deliver it to him when I see him dismantle the Sacramento Kings at some point next season.

We Have Another

At the beginning of last football season I watched a Clemson football game and one of the players had a hilarious major. I actually can't recall it at this time but rest assured that the name of the major suggested that football player was taking part in rigorous classes. I thought I would come across a lot of interesting major choices among football players last season but I didn't. Let me be clear, I am not dissing on the student athletes. They are not the ones who decide names of majors. In a previous life I knew a fair number of student athletes and all I can say is that I have the utmost respect for them. The amount of time they are required to give to their sport makes me wonder if I would have been able to graduate with any type of degree if I had been an athlete.

Well, after watching the College World Series last night I was treated to another fantastic major. One of Georgia's players, who shall remain nameless, had his major listed as 'Real Estate.' You would think the school would be smart enough to throw the word 'Management' after it to give it the guise of something special. I suspect this may have been a typographical error by ESPN but I'm going to go with it anyway. Besides, it is another school from the South and my ignorance leads me to believe schools in this region (SEC members in particular) have weak major names. I repeat, weak major names. Not necessarily weak majors, just the names of them.

I do wonder what courses are involved in the Real Estate major though. You know there is a class all potential majors dread is the entry level class that weeds out all of the slackers. What class is that you ask? My guess is Real Estate 104: Location, Location, Location. Other possible class names are:

1. Digital Arts for Real Estate: How to use Photoshop to make the backyard look nice
2. Finance for Real Estate: How jacking up the price a few thousand dollars in negotiations is not worth it to you since commission on that is not going to be very much
3. English for Real Estate: You can never use the word 'potential' too many times

I am starting to think this would be a great major. The breadth in the subject material would be extraordinary. So there you have it, The OpinionSmith Ivy League now has two distinguished members: Clemson University and the University of Georgia.

Photo of the University of Georgia library from Britannica.

Hiatus Over

(Written a few days before being posted so some commentary is completely out of line.)

The blog has been quiet for far too long and I apologize for that. The past couple of weeks have been absolutely nuts. Needless to say the blog now calls Northern California home. The sunshine and blue sky has been amazing. In addition to a relocation, I was studying for a standard exam that will determine just how much more school debt I am going to accumulate. What's another few thousand, right? With that test over my schedule will allow for more spectacular commentary that the seven of you have come to expect. In the last couple of weeks there have been some important matters that have caught my eye:

1. Tiger Woods makes golf the coolest sport ever. Think about how amazing that is. If you don't know what I'm talking about then you have been outside of the country. Unfortunately I will not be watching any golf for the next many months because the one guy that makes golf cool is taking a break.

2. NBA fans are morons. You are to tell me it took a crooked ref trying to avoid jail time for you to realize David Stern picks winners of games before they are played? I have a sneaky hunch the Lakers will win Game 6 to force a Game 7. Heaven forbid Stern gets trumped by a golf tournament. I am most looking forward to watching the refs and not the players. That's what happens when the two teams playing make me want to puke.

3. Dodgers are pathetic. I am thankful I have been too busy with things to follow baseball. To think the Dodgers are closer to the Giants than first place is reason enough to buy out Torre's contract at the All-Star Break.

4. Olympic Trials will bring a tear to my eye. Here I lived in Eugene for 8 years and I move three weeks before the sporting event I was most looking forward to. My seats were in a prime location and I had to part ways with them. I will be watching them on TV like it's my job and encourage you to do the same. Track is great to watch, particularly in person.

I hope your summer's are off to great starts. There is sure to be a lot to comment on in the coming months so check back frequently for thoughtful words on truly important matters.

Pac-10 Still Blowing

I have long held that the Pac-10 will always be looked down upon by the rest of the country because it seems to care more about bragging about its successful water polo programs than the sports that actually matter (see football and men's basketball). Some may question whether track & field matters, I certainly do. (As a UO alum I better like track since all of the other sports have a combined one national title ever and that was in 1939.) What set me off today is that the Pac-10 Track & Field Championships are happening this weekend and I can't find any live online scoring of the event. I did check the UO athletics website, which has live scoring for the most random track events all season long, and the Pac-10 website in case anyone is wondering.

This is 2008 and you are to tell me I have to wait until tomorrow morning to read about the results in the paper. Come on Tom Hansen, get your act together. People seem to think your FSN TV deal is acceptable but not using the Internet should be universally admonished. This has to be the straw that breaks the camel's back. It is 2008 and I can't find live results. I realize I have already said that but I have to type it out a couple of times to come to grips with it. I am embarrassed to say I have multiple degrees from a school in a conference that thinks the Internet is a fad that is sure to pass. If I were in charge of the Pac-10, it would never happen because I use my brain, I would take the chance that the Internet is something that is here to stay. If someone knows where I can find the live results I will take back only the comments about the Internet. Tom Hansen is still a bum no matter what.