Saturday, July 19, 2008

Beautiful People

I was fortunate enough to vacation at Squaw Valley last weekend and decided I would venture down to South Lake Tahoe and watch the celebrity golf tournament. I was only there for a couple of hours but did notice some things. Here are the items I jotted down in my phone as I walked the course:
  • First off, I recently moved from Oregon so I am not used to wearing UO gear (I had a black polo with a very small "O" on it, nothing obnoxious) and having people yell "Go Ducks" at me. After not saying anything to the first two people I texted a friend and he told me the appropriate response is to yell it back. That seemed to work so feel free to yell at me if you see me.
  • I am sick of Brett Favre so I don't think it was a coincidence that the first golfer I saw hit a driver was Aaron Rodgers. My only response is that the Packers must be confident he controls a football team as well as he pummels the golf ball. Absolutely crushed the ball the one time I saw him swing.
  • Someone needs to make sure Gene Upshaw, Director of NFLPA, is not one of the NFL veterans that can't afford medical care. He looked so frail that I am beginning to think all of the talk about current players wanting to fire him is not allowing him to eat and sleep as well as he should.
  • I have long felt that Packers fans were the most white trash fans in the NFL. Well, fortunately for the cheeseheads the Steelers faithful have taken that title. There were a couple of fans following Roethlisberger around like he was their best friend. The thing that made me doubt that was that one was wearing a jersey and waving a Terrible Towel. Another one of them had a sleeveless shirt and jorts. Need I say more.
  • The bronze medal winning white trash fans are certainly followers of the Cowboys. Romo certainly had a fair number of them following him around. Something about grown men dressing like their five-year-old son at a golf course makes me cringe. And please don't ask, I did not see Romo fall into a pond (wish I would have) or Jessica Simpson (plenty of pretty people in the crowd anyway).
  • You could notice a lot of the football players from a couple of fairways over because they walked like they had their shoes on the wrong foot. It really did not look all that comfortable and makes me glad my knees never had to take the stress.
  • I saw one of my favorite baseball players growing up, Darryl Strawberry. He was my favorite player when he played for the Dodgers, which was not very long. Unfortunately for me he wore Dodger Blue when I visited the National Baseball Hall of Fame as a kid. So the memento I had to get while there was a Strawberry T-shirt that looked like a baseball card. Picture on the front and stats on the back. Seeing Strawberry in person only made me want to revisit the Hall of Fame even more. There has to be a better souvenir.
  • The guys standing next to me as we watched Trent Green tee off were funny guys. They had great commentary for everyone in the gallery and the celebrities. When Green came by one of them commented on Green's propensity for brutal concussions and wondered if Green knew what green he was on. That pun is not nearly as funny in written form a week after the fact but believe me it was worth a laugh at the time.
  • Of course I saw Barkley's swing. It was so bad (far worse in person than on TV) I could only watch it once. I am a terrible golfer but if I had seen that even one more time I would have to quit the sport.
  • This was not a traditional golf tournament so there were a number of people in the gallery that had no idea what was going on. One lady was standing right next to the 17th tee (par-3 along the lake that is always shown on TV) and would not shut up. She was so excited to see a friend who was a member of the media shooting still photographs. You would think this lady being most excited to see a photog at a celebrity golf tournament would be reason enough to call her the biggest moron of the day. Well, what she had to say as I was trying to avoid her at the 16th green takes the cake. She asked her husband who of the three in the group putting was Marcus Allen (the former NFL running back). That was a legitimate question since his playing partners were Neil Lomax (former QB) and Jeff Feagles (NFL punter). They are painfully white and let's just say Allen isn't. You have to love when women ask stupid sports questions in public. It is as bad as guys asking questions about dress styles at a bridal shower.
  • Jim McMahon must have fit in very well at BYU in Provo, UT. When a guy that lived in Eugene for eight years is shocked by an outfit you have to wonder how he made any friends in college. There is something about an orange sherbet top and polka-dot pants that made me look twice.
  • Nearly all of the actors in the field were dinky guys. I don't think it was because they were hanging out with athletes either. Greg Kinnear looked to be about the size of my mother-in-law. And for all you smarty pants out there that simply means Kinnear had to have been beaten up in school because he is tiny.
  • No surprises here but one of the course volunteers told me John Elway was in one of two groups created for fan appeal. Elway is the greatest quarterback to every play football so the tournament director made a very wise decision.
  • Michael Jordan and Ray Allen (part of the other group created for the fans) were wearing Jordan XI golf cleats. For the sneaker folks in the audience that certainly is a bit of news worthy of getting excited about.
  • I ended up catching up with Barkley again at a point on the course where the back and front 9s met up. Luckily, I did not see him take a shot because he got sick of a sand trap about 120 yards from the green and decided to quit playing that hole just before I showed up.
  • Former major leaguer David Wells did not look as bad as I thought he would. When he was getting paid to be an athlete he resembled a competitive eater so it made sense to me that he would have gained 100 pounds. He actually looked just the same and had the back of his shirt untucked. I guess it goes to show that if you are left-handed you really only need to be worried about that one appendage and you will have a pitching job for many years.
  • In Wells' group was one of the greatest college coaches of all time, Lou Holtz. As a lifelong Notre Dame fan it was great seeing the last coach that took them to the promised land. To think that a man the size of Greg Kinnear coached football players is astonishing to me.
  • Say what you want about me but the most impressive thing I saw was Jack Wagner. From 20 yards away the soap star is quite an attractive guy. The flowing blond hair and baby face were quite striking. Rarely would I compliment a man for being good looking so you have to figure Wagner had his pick of pretty Tahoe ladies.
  • And that takes me to the one thing I learned by walking the course. Beautiful people follow celebrities no matter where they are. Lake Tahoe isn't exactly Siberia but it certainly is not Hollywood. There were a number of beautiful people strolling the course. So you know, the only beautiful male I noticed was Wagner so if you are a woman don't go thinking I am providing this information for your benefit.
  • That is about all I saw. Watching famous people do something they are not necessarily good at is not the most exciting thing in the world. I suppose if you subscribe to People and US Weekly something like this would be reason to cry tears of joy. If being around famous people does not really get you too excited then do not go out of your way to go. I did go a bit out of my way and if it weren't for wanting to provide you with an informative blog entry I would have felt I wasted my time.
  • You may be wondering how I knew it was time to go. That part was easy. When my boxers started to ride so much that I needed to leave the premises to take care of the discomfort I decided a trip to the parking lot was appropriate.


Allison said...

Did you say jorts?

boothjockey said...

The thought of walking amongst celebrity/hero worshipers makes my skin crawl. Freaks, all of them, beautiful or not.

matt said...

Shame on you for going to UO for six years and not knowing to say "Go Ducks!!" back to another Duck fan outside of Oregon. Have you never worn Duck gear outside of Oregon before?